


Ordinary but Still so Extraordinary

by disturbinglynic



Category: Psych
Genre: M/M, Rimming, show type violence, very mild and barely there non-sexual D/s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-09
Updated: 2013-02-09
Packaged: 2017-11-28 18:12:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 36,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/677352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disturbinglynic/pseuds/disturbinglynic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Season Six.<br/>One small decision and everything changes.<br/>When a soaked and desperate Spencer shows up at his door, Carlton, against his better judgement, lets him in. Spencer doesn't leave and they soon form a friendship that has Carlton questioning everything. When Marlowe is released from prison, buried feelings become known and Carlton finds himself in a relationship he would have never imagined wanting nor that it would be the best thing to ever happen to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The rain started falling as soon as he walked through the door of his building. He heated up some food, grabbed a beer, and settled on his couch to watch some TV. 

 

Things at the station had been rough lately. The case that Henry had been working on hadn’t been easy on any of them. It was always rough learning that your partner, or that anyone on the force, was a dirty cop. Then he had been shot. He had survived, but the station had been a bit chaotic because of it. 

 

Before the dust had even begun to settle, there had been a child rape case. Those were never easy. Even Spencer, who usually took everything as a joke, had clearly been affected by that one.

 

A knock at the door surprised him. He wasn’t expecting anyone and it wasn’t as if he tended to get visitors. He opened the door and found Spencer standing there, soaking wet, dripping in the hallway.

 

Carlton opened his mouth to say something, but he stopped himself. Spencer looked miserable. Carlton couldn’t ever remember ever seeing Spencer look this miserable. He also looked like he expected Carlton to tell him to get lost, which wouldn’t be far off the mark. There was something in Spencer’s eyes though, something that made him actually invite Spencer inside, despite his better judgement. 

 

“Come in, Spencer. I’ll get some clothes you can wear for now while we stick yours in the dryer. Then you can go home.”

 

Spencer walked down the hallway and into Carlton’s bedroom without a word. Carlton fished out a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and handed them to Spencer, who had stripped almost completely right there. He bit his tongue and shooed Spencer off to the bathroom while he went and put Spencer’s clothes in the dryer, and then cleaned up the dishes from his dinner and made sure everything was locked up since he wasn’t sure how long Spencer was going to be here for.

 

When he got back to his bedroom he found Spencer in his bed, already asleep. Carlton walked up to the bed and reached out a hand, ready to shake Spencer awake and ask him what the hell he thought he was doing. But whatever had possessed Carlton to invite Spencer in also made him decide to just let Spencer sleep. 

 

He got ready for bed, put his pajamas on, and slid into bed next to Spencer, more than a little confused. 

 

His brain didn’t want to shut off though. He couldn’t help but wonder why Spencer was here. Why him? Why hadn’t Spencer crawled into bed with O’Hara, or Guster, or even Henry.

 

They had all been through a lot lately and maybe Spencer was in need of some comfort and maybe he needed to feel safe. That still didn’t answer why Spencer was here though. He should be able to get all of that from O’Hara. At the very least he should be able to get some comfort from Guster, even though Carlton could understand why Spencer wouldn’t go to him to feel safe.

 

Actually, Carlton could understand why Spencer wouldn’t go to Guster for comfort. Guster didn’t seem like the comforting type. Not for Spencer anyway.

 

Maybe Spencer and O’Hara had fought. It wasn’t as if O’Hara kept him informed of everything that happened in their relationship. And if it had just happened he wouldn’t have known about it anyway. 

 

Why had Carlton allowed this to happen? That was the most important question. 

 

He liked Spencer well enough, usually, for the most part, though he would never admit that to anybody. He didn’t know if Spencer actually knew that or not. He probably didn’t considering that when he showed up he looked like he had expected to be kicked to the curb, which was something that Carlton would normally have done.

 

He hadn’t though. He couldn’t explain why, but he had found himself feeling protective towards Spencer, and not because he was a civilian and Carlton was sworn to protect all civilians. 

 

It could have had something to do with the fact that Spencer had looked like someone had kicked his favorite puppy. That, and the silence. Since when did Spencer not talk?

 

There was more to it than that though. There had been that something in Spencer’s eyes. Carlton still didn’t know what that was though.

 

He needed to put all of this to the back of his mind right now though. He needed to sleep. He could always talk to Spencer in the morning.

 

Carlton was nearly asleep when it hit him. Desperation. That’s what had been in Spencer’s eyes earlier. That’s what had made Carlton’s protective instincts kick in. That’s what had made him invite Spencer into his home and let him sleep in his bed.

 

Spencer wasn’t there in the morning though, and the only signs that had even been there at all were the clothes he had borrowed from Carlton in the hamper and a drawing of a pineapple on his kitchen table.

 

Amazingly enough, Carlton knew Spencer well enough to know that the drawing of the pineapple was actually Spencer’s way of thanking him. 

 

He put the drawing away and headed for the shower. None of his questions had been answered. He was still confused as hell about what had happened, but whatever it was, it was over with now.

 

***

 

It wasn’t over though. 

 

That night Spencer showed up at his door again, once again looking like he expected Carlton to tell him to get lost. Which was exactly what Carlton should have done. That desperation was still in Spencer’s eyes though. He couldn’t turn him away.

 

He still couldn’t understand why Spencer was coming to him for comfort though. It wasn’t like Carlton could offer any.

 

Spencer didn’t say a word again, even when Carlton tried talking to him. He eventually gave up and handed Spencer another pair of sweats and another t-shirt.

 

In the morning the clothes were in the hamper and there was a drawing of a dinosaur on the table. With a pineapple. In the corner. Carlton shook his head and put that drawing with the other one Spencer had drawn.

 

***

 

After a long day at work, Carlton was less than thrilled when he opened the door to find Spencer on the other side. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t been expecting him, it was just that he wasn’t in the mood to deal with Spencer.

 

“Why are you here, Spencer? Why aren’t you with Guster or O’Hara? What exactly is it that you want from me? And why haven’t you said a single word to me?” he snapped out, maybe a little more viciously than he had intended. Spencer’s shoulders slumped. He turned and walked away from Carlton.

 

Carlton was surprised by how badly he felt about that. He could kick himself and he wasn’t really sure why.

 

“Spencer, wait,” he called down the hall. He was glad when Spencer actually stopped.

 

“That didn’t mean you couldn’t stay here.”

 

Spencer turned around and made his way back to Carlton, the same exhausted, haunted, and desperate look that had been plaguing him for the past couple of nights.

 

Carlton grabbed some clothes for Spencer and they got ready for bed. It was only the third night, but it was starting to feel like routine already.

 

They had only been asleep for a few hours when something woke Carlton up. He sat up, gun at the ready, when he realized that next to him Spencer was moaning and thrashing in his sleep, clearly in distress. He put his gun away, wondering if he should try and wake Spencer. 

 

“Spencer,” he tried with no response. He may as well try and wake him up. There was no reason that Spencer should suffer any more than he clearly was.

 

“Spencer!” he tried again. Still no response.

 

Gently he placed his hands on Spencer’s shoulders meaning to shake him, but as soon as his hands were on Spencer, Spencer stilled. He opened his eyes and blinked up at Carlton.

 

“You were having a nightmare.”

 

Spencer nodded but didn’t say anything.

 

Carlton lay back down and tried to get to sleep, but beside him Spencer kept tossing and turning, and Carlton had a feeling that Spencer wouldn’t be getting back to sleep anytime soon.

 

With a sigh, Carlton sat up. “Spencer, get out of bed and wait for me at the kitchen table.” Amazingly, Spencer did as he asked without even hesitating. Carlton grabbed what he needed and then followed Spencer out to the kitchen table.

 

“I know you know how to use a gun, but do you know how to clean them?”

 

Spencer nodded. He handed Spencer a gun and kept one for himself.

 

“I know how people perceive me when it comes to my gun obsession. They think I don’t know, but I do. I’ve gotten used to it. I try not to let it bother me because people don’t really understand. I know you don’t understand either, but maybe after this you will. I like to clean my guns when I need to clear my head, just like I like going to the shooting range when I need to clear my head. Cleaning the gun is soothing. Maybe the monotony of it will help you sleep.”

 

When Carlton looked up from his gun he found Spencer watching him intently. Realizing that Carlton was done speaking, he got to work on his gun.

 

They worked together in silence and when Spencer finished, he handed his gun to Carlton and headed back to the bedroom. Carlton put the guns away and then slid into bed next to Spencer.

 

In the morning Carlton was a bit surprised to see that Spencer was already gone. It had been the norm, but Carlton had figured that he would have had a harder time getting out of bed so early after he had been up with the nightmare. It was possible he didn’t think Carlton would want him hanging around any longer than necessary. 

 

The drawing on the table that morning was of Carlton holding a pineapple. He had known that the drawings had been Spencer’s way of thanking him, but this drawing was different. 

 

The other drawings had shown Carlton just how much Spencer appreciated whatever it was that Carlton was doing for him. This drawing showed Carlton that Spencer was especially appreciative of how Carlton had taken care of things last night. 

 

Carlton couldn’t say how he knew any of this. Maybe after all these years, Carlton was actually learning how to understand Spencer-speak. 

 

Without really knowing why, he took the drawing over to the fridge and hung it up with a magnet.

 

He needed to figure out what he was going to do with Spencer. Clearly Spencer had come to him for help, for comfort. He still didn’t know why, but it had happened. What Carlton needed to decide was if he was going to keep doing whatever it was they were doing, to continue helping Spencer in whatever way he managed to help.

 

***

 

By the end of the day he had figured out what he was going to do. He answered the door when Spencer knocked and led him over to the kitchen table. When they were both sitting he slid a key across the table. 

 

“I don’t know if you’re planning on keeping this up but you can come and go as you please now. And you don’t have to get out of bed before me in the morning. And make sure to bring some things over so you have stuff here.”

 

Spencer’s eyes widened, but he didn’t say anything, which was becoming freakishly normal. Spencer didn’t even smile. He took the key though and nodded.

 

In the morning the bed was empty. Carlton was surprised that he actually felt a bit disappointed, but he pushed that thought away and got ready for the day.

 

***

 

When Carlton got home Spencer was already there, in his kitchen, cooking. Carlton nodded at him and headed for the bedroom. There was an empty bag in the corner which meant that Spencer had brought some stuff over like Carlton had told him to. There was space in the closet and the drawers that were meant to be Marlowe’s but that Spencer could use for now.

 

In the bathroom Spencer’s toiletries were laid out neatly, contrary to what Carlton would have expected.

 

Carlton freshened up, put Spencer’s bag away, and then joined him in the kitchen.

 

He tried to help Spencer finish making dinner, but Spencer wouldn’t let him, he just shooed him away without saying a word. Carlton gave up and instead set the table for them. 

 

Spencer was an amazing cook, something that Carlton hadn’t known about him and certainly wouldn’t have expected. He didn’t say a single word throughout the entire meal though.

 

Carlton wondered when Spencer would start talking again. This quiet, subdued Spencer was really starting to unnerve him.

 

It was then that he realized that he was actually kind of worried about Spencer. That was new. It didn’t really bother him though, and that was a complete surprise.

 

*****

It was about a week later, just a little over a week from when Spencer first crawled into his bed, when Spencer and Guster showed up at the station again. They hadn’t seen Spencer around here in only a little over a week and everyone was greeting him like a long lost friend. It was ridiculous. He still didn’t know what it was about Spencer that everyone loved so much.

 

It upset Carlton more than it should. Not that Spencer was being treated the way he was, but the fact that he was talking. Spencer had been sleeping in his bed for over a week now but he hadn’t uttered a word to Carlton. A few minutes at the station and he was talking to everyone.

 

When Spencer got closer, though, Carlton could see that it was just an act. It made him wonder just how much of an act Spencer normally put on. Besides the whole psychic thing anyway. 

 

Spencer was exhausted and he clearly didn’t want to be around all these people, but he was putting on a happy face for all of them.

 

He turned towards Carlton and was about to say something when Chief Vick came out and asked them to meet her in the conference room. Spencer closed his mouth and walked off to the conference room with Guster close behind him.

 

With a sigh, Carlton got up and followed them, choosing a seat across from Spencer. 

 

He paid attention to Spencer throughout the meeting, which was unusual for Carlton for more than one reason. It was Spencer first of all, and secondly, Carlton always paid attention in meetings. This was stuff he needed to know in order to catch the bad guys.

 

He couldn’t stop paying attention to Spencer though and was glad for it when he saw the moment that something clicked for him.

 

Carlton had never believed that Spencer was psychic and whatever had just happened, he was sure it was going to lead to one of Spencer’s episodes. Spencer, however, remained quiet, leaving Carlton even more confused. Carlton was sick of being confused.

 

When the meeting ended, Carlton pulled O’Hara off to the side. “O’Hara, can you ride with Guster out to the crime scene. I need to talk to Spencer.”

 

O’Hara raised her eyebrows. “You’re willingly getting into a car with Shawn? Must be something important. Anything I need to know?”

 

“No. Just a bit of guy talk. Does this mean you’ll do it?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Carlton waited until O’Hara grabbed Guster before approaching Spencer. “We need to talk, so you’re riding with me and O’Hara is going to ride with Guster.”

 

Spencer shrugged and followed Carlton out to his car.

 

After a few minutes of silence in which Spencer didn’t even appear to want to say anything, Carlton finally spoke up.

 

“Look, Spencer, I know you’re not a psychic. I’ve never believed that you were a psychic and you know that. To be perfectly honest, right now I don’t even care. You came to me for a reason, Spencer. I don’t know what that reason is. I don’t even know if you know what that reason is.

 

What I do know is that you came to me and that you’re exhausted. You’ve been through a lot and you’re tired of this charade that you’ve been putting on and right now you don’t have the energy to spare for it. You barely even have enough energy to pretend to everyone else that you’re happy. I know you’re not. You don’t seem to feel the need to hide it when you’re at my place, which is fine. I’m sure that’s part of the reason you’re there. It’s not like I ever made a secret of how I felt about your shenanigans.

 

Now I’ve gotten a little off track here but I do have a point to all of this. I know you saw something back there in the conference room but you didn’t make a big show of it. You stayed completely quiet, in fact, which is highly unusual for you. At least until recently, but nobody else knows that. Why don’t you just tell me what you saw and what you think and we can tell everyone that you had a psychic episode in the car or something. We can even make up some excuse as to why your episodes aren’t as elaborate as they used to be. Maybe we can tell people that because of the stress of what happened with your father the psychic episodes have become subdued. We can make this work, Spencer.”

 

Carlton hadn’t intended on talking so much but they were things that Spencer needed to hear.

 

“How do I know this isn’t some elaborate scheme to get me to admit that I’m not psychic?”

 

The first words that Spencer had said to him in over a week and they were accusing Carlton of trying to trick him into admitting that he wasn’t psychic. After everything that Carlton had done for Spencer and this was the thanks he got. He hated to admit it, but it actually hurt.

 

“Is that what you think?” he asked, ignoring the part of him that really wanted to smack Spencer for even suggesting something like that. Maybe it was something he would have done in the past, but not now. A little over a week and his attitude towards Spencer had already changed.

 

So it actually made sense that Spencer wouldn’t believe him. Maybe if it had been a few months then Spencer would know he was telling the truth.

 

“No,” Spencer admitted.

 

“Good, because we have a case to solve. Does this mean you’ll help me like a normal person instead of some crazy psychic?”

 

Spencer sighed and nodded and then proceeded to tell Carlton what it was he saw and what he thought it meant. Carlton listened carefully and was quite possibly just a bit awestruck at the way that Spencer’s mind worked. Not that he would ever admit that, of course.

 

He had known that Spencer was skilled, but it was nice to see it without the crazy. What it must be like inside of Spencer’s brain when Spencer wasn’t acting like an idiot.

 

***

 

They were finally wrapping up the case. He and Spencer had actually worked well together on this one. When Spencer actually told him what he saw and how he came to his conclusions, it was much easier to work with him.

 

Spencer hadn’t wanted any of the credit though, which was why he was standing in Chief Vick’s office now. Spencer not wanting any of the credit for solving the case meant that he and Guster weren’t going to get paid, and they certainly deserved to get paid on this one.

 

“Detective Lassiter, what can I do for you?”

 

“It’s about the case that we just solved. Spencer is the reason I was able to solve it. He deserves to get paid for it. I’m not sure why he didn’t want the credit for it.”

 

“Well maybe he wants to make sure people start giving you the respect you deserve.”

 

Even just a few weeks ago and Carlton would have said that there was no way that Spencer would do something like that. Now however, he wasn’t sure that was the case.

 

“Carlton, I’m glad to see the two of you finally working so well together. If you can work the same way together with him on other cases, if you can keep him… under control, then I would be willing to hire him on more often. It’s kind of nice to see him so calm.”

 

“No it’s not,” Carlton replied before he could stop himself. Chief Vick gave him a strange look but didn’t say anything.

 

“Does this mean you’ll pay Spencer for this case?”

 

“It’ll be waiting for him here on Monday.”

 

He thanked Chief Vick and left.

 

The entire time they were working on the case he hadn’t asked Spencer how it was he managed to pull off his psychic abilities. He’d been paying more attention to how Spencer worked though, and he was pretty sure he had most of the picture, but he felt like there was a piece missing and that it was something vital.

 

Spencer was lounging on the couch when Carlton got home.

 

“You have an eidetic memory like your mother does, don’t you?” he asked in lieu of a greeting.

 

Spencer turned the television off and turned to face him. “Hello to you too, Lassie. And yes, I do.”

 

“That’s how you do it, isn’t it? Or at least that’s part of it. You also got a perfect score on the detective’s exam. And I’m sure growing up with a father who was a detective was part of it too. There’s something I’m missing though, some vital part of it all.”

 

“You should take me and Gus out to dinner. I can show you better than I can tell you.”

 

“Fair enough, but what does Guster have to do with any of this?”

 

“He’ll be able to help me show you, plus he should know that I’ve told you the truth. It’ll be easier with you there because otherwise he won’t believe me when I tell him you’re okay with this. Besides, I’ve been spending a lot of time with you and Gus has been wondering where I’ve been. It’s probably time I tell him. I wasn’t even sure if you would want me telling him that I’m staying here.”

 

“You can tell him.”

 

“Does this mean I can have him over too?”

 

He had been expecting this. He was surprised it hadn’t happened sooner. That right there was an indication of just how well Spencer wasn’t doing. He and Guster were a package deal.

 

“That’s fine, Spencer.”

 

Spencer pulled out his phone and began typing. “I’m telling him to meet us here and then you can take us out to dinner.”

 

Carlton nodded and then headed back to his bedroom. He wanted to freshen up before dinner since he was apparently now going out for it.

 

Guster arrived while he was still in the bathroom and he could hear Spencer explaining to him that Carlton knew about Spencer’s lack of psychic abilities. He was unsurprised to hear Guster having a mild panic attack about it.

 

Carlton figured that he should probably get out there and join them so that Guster didn’t try and kill Spencer or something.

 

“Relax, Guster. I’m not going to tell Chief Vick or anyone else. As a matter of fact, I talked to her today about the two of you getting paid for this case even though Spencer didn’t take credit for it. You’ll have a check on Monday. She also said that if Spencer and I continue to work together the way that we did for this case, then she would be willing you hire you on for more cases.”

 

“So I’m supposed to believe that you’ve suddenly had a change of heart? I don’t buy it.”

 

Carlton sighed and glanced at Spencer. He was watching Carlton. “Guster, I know you have no reason to believe me and I can’t explain to you why I won’t be saying anything. It’s complicated. You’re just going to have to trust me when I tell you that your secret is safe with me.”

 

“And Lassie would never go back on his word.”

 

“No, I wouldn’t.”

 

Guster glared at both of them. “Fine. Now I believe I was invited here to get some dinner.”

 

“Yes Spencer, where exactly are we going?”

 

“Somewhere we don’t go often and somewhere that doesn’t have any waiting time.”

 

Carlton huffed. “Great. That shouldn’t be too hard to find on a Friday night.”

 

Spencer patted his shoulder. “That’s the spirit, Lassie.”

 

Spencer sounded so much like his usual self that Carlton could almost forget that he was still only just putting on an act. He couldn’t help but wonder why Spencer felt the need to put on an act in front of Guster. The two of them had grown up together. Shouldn’t Spencer be able to be himself around Guster? Did Guster even realize just how badly Spencer was doing right now? Could he see past Spencer’s charade?

 

They got to the restaurant and were seated immediately. As soon as they had taken their seats, Spencer closed his eyes. 

 

“Okay, Lassie. Now I only had my eyes open from the time we walked into the restaurant to as soon as we sat down. Ask me anything about this place.”

 

Carlton was confused. “I don’t understand.”

 

“Gus, why don’t you start.”

 

“Shawn, how many televisions are there?”

 

“Eight,” Spencer answered after just a few seconds. “Your turn, Lassie.”

 

Carlton didn’t answer right away. He was too busy trying to count all of the televisions in the restaurant. Sure enough there were eight. “Okay. How did you do that?”

 

“Aren’t you going to ask me for another demonstration, Lassie? Or are you going to make Gus ask me another question?”

 

“Does it have to be just about the restaurant or can it be about the people inside too?”

 

“Anything at all.”

 

“Fine.” Carlton looked around and tried to think of something to ask, something he could easily confirm. He looked at what everyone was wearing and noticed that only a few people were wearing red. “How many people are wearing red shirts?”

 

“Three. Those bastards are going to die.”

 

“You know that’s right.”

 

Carlton had no idea what either of them was talking about.

 

“Are you going to keep making me ask you questions? Clearly you were trained to be very observant. And you remember everything you see because of your eidetic memory. That explains everything. How though? How did you become so observant?”

 

“Gus, will you do the honors?”

 

“How many hats are in the room, Shawn?”

 

Not only did Spencer answer with the correct number, but he pointed out where the people were in the restaurant, and even described what the hats looked like. When he was done he opened his eyes and looked at Carlton.

 

“I got asked that question anytime I was out with my father. That question and more. Every game I played got turned into a lesson. I knew to kick out the taillight of the car because my father locked me in the trunk. That was just a normal lesson for him. I was trained to be a cop, Lassie.”

 

Carlton was actually a little appalled. “And the lie detector test? How did you pass that?”

 

“Just another lesson.”

 

“Jesus. That explains a lot.”

 

Spencer just shrugged.

 

He let Guster and Spencer carry the conversation throughout dinner. He had always thought that it would have been amazing to be raised by a cop, by a detective. Yet hearing the way that Spencer had grown up, he wasn’t so sure. His childhood had sucked, yes, but at least he had gotten to be a child. Spencer hadn’t gotten to play any games at all without his father turning it into something else. 

 

Carlton refocused on the conversation when he heard Guster asking Spencer about where he had been staying and what he had been doing with all of his time since he knew that he and O’Hara had broken up. Well now at least Carlton knew that for sure.

 

“Shawn, are you going to tell me or not?”

 

“Well, the thing is… See, I’ve kind of been staying with Lassie and I’ve been spending all of my free time there.”

 

“Don’t mess with me, Shawn.”

 

“It’s true, Guster. He’s kind of moved in with me.”

 

Guster looked between the two of them, probably waiting for one of them to tell him that they were playing a prank on him, but Spencer just shrugged.

 

“You should come over tomorrow, Gus.”

 

Carlton left them to their conversation again, his thoughts returning to Spencer. The nightmares made sense now. If Spencer was this observant _and_ had an eidetic memory then there was no way that he _wouldn’t_ be having nightmares. Carlton was a little surprised that he didn’t have them more often, even though he did seem to have them often enough. 

 

He was actually surprised that Spencer could sleep at all. Carlton wasn’t sure that he would be able to. He remembered enough of the details as it was, he couldn’t imagine remembering as much as Spencer did.

 

After dinner, Carlton drove them all back to his place. Guster said his goodbyes and told Spencer that he would stop by tomorrow. Spencer headed for the bedroom while Carlton locked up. He was already in bed when Carlton finally climbed in beside him.

 

He wanted to say something about what he had learned tonight. He wanted to tell Spencer that he was sorry that his childhood had been the way it was. He wanted to tell Spencer that he had lost whatever respect he may have had for Henry. He just didn’t know how to say any of it. 

 

“Lassie, are you okay? You’ve been kind of quiet since you found out about how I can do what I do.”

 

Carlton rolled over so he could face Spencer. He could just make out his features in the sliver of light that made its way in through the window. 

 

“What your father did… Spencer, I always thought it would have been wonderful to grow up with a cop for a father the way that you did. And I think it could have been wonderful, but even I know what your father did would be considered abuse to a lot of people.”

 

“Abuse? I think that’s a bit much, Lassie. Besides, I’m over it. It’s all in the past now.”

 

“Are you really over it, Spencer? I know your relationship with your father is strained, but you would think your father getting shot would mean that the two of you would become closer. That doesn’t seem to be the case though. In fact, have you even been to visit him since you moved in with me?”

 

“Why do you care, Lassie. It’s my problem, not yours.” Spencer conveniently ignored Carlton’s question about his father.

 

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you kind of made yourself my problem.”

 

Spencer was quiet for long enough that the silence became uncomfortable. Carlton was about to say something when Spencer finally spoke up. 

 

“Do you want me gone?” It was asked so quietly and there was so much hesitance in Spencer’s voice, like he honestly thought that Carlton was going to kick him out.

 

“No.” Carlton meant it too. Even with Spencer back at work and up to his usual antics, for the most part anyway, when he was here with Carlton he was quieter and calmer. 

 

It wasn’t as bad as when he had first been here, thankfully. It was more like Spencer could fully be himself around Carlton, and Carlton kind of liked that.

 

“Lassie, do you remember when I helped you solve that Civil War Reenactment case?”

 

“Yes.” He had no idea where Spencer was going with this.

 

“You had everyone’s placement set up for everyone to study in that meeting. I only saw it for two minutes. I was able to recreate the whole thing at the Psych office.”

 

Carlton remembered that board. All of those people, the placement of the river, the tents, the trees. “You did that after only having seen it for two minutes? And you’re serious?”

 

“Just in case what I did at the restaurant didn’t give you an idea of the extent of my abilities.”

 

“Spencer, that’s incredible.”

 

“Goodnight, Lassie.”

 

“Goodnight, Spencer.”

 

He didn’t sleep though. He was remembering something. He remembered the time that they had been drugged and Spencer was trying to help him figure out if he had shot a guy. Spencer had been trying to help them solve that case. During that time, Spencer had slipped a couple of times and did things that proved he wasn’t actually a psychic. Carlton had been too focused on what had been going on that it hadn’t really even registered with him. And when Carlton thought even more on it, that wasn’t the first time Spencer had slipped up.

 

Carlton had only just fallen asleep when he was awoken by one of Spencer’s nightmares.

 

“Are we going to clean guns again?” Spencer asked after Carlton had managed to wake him.

 

“No. I have something else planned.”

 

He led Spencer over to the coffee table, not saying anything when Spencer turned the television on. He pulled out the package he had been hiding under the couch. It was a puzzle.

 

He took the cover off while it was still in the bag and then handed the bottom of the box with all of the pieces over to Spencer.

 

“Don’t I even get to see what the puzzle is supposed to be?”

 

“Sorry, Spencer. It’s a surprise.”

 

They worked on the puzzle with the television on as background noise. They were about a half hour into their puzzling when Carlton opened his mouth without thinking.

 

“You’re not an idiot.”

 

Spencer just smirked at him. “Thanks. I think.”

 

“No. That didn’t come out right. What I meant was that you always go around acting like an idiot, but you have an eidetic memory and you got a perfect score on the detective exam, and you have excellent deduction skills. You’re actually really smart, aren’t you.”

 

“Genius, actually.”

 

“Why hide it? Especially around Guster. He has to know how smart you are, right?”

 

“He knows, but sometimes I think he forgets that it’s all just an act.”

 

“And you’re okay with that?”

 

Spencer shrugged. “I took his pharmaceutical rep recertification exam for him. He’d been studying for that thing for weeks and he was so pissed that I took it. He thought he wasn’t going to get re-certified.”

 

“And that really doesn’t bother you?”

 

“Nah.”

 

“I get why you do it with everyone else. People underestimate you all the time because they think you’re an idiot. You even act surprised by things that you already know. Spencer, nobody knows who you really are, do they?”

 

Spencer shook his head.

 

“I do now though. Why me, Spencer? That’s still what I don’t understand. Of all people, why did you feel you could be yourself around me?”

 

“I don’t know, Lassie. I don’t know why I came here. I don’t know why I decided to be myself around you. I do know that you of all people appreciate me a lot more when I’m not being obnoxious. Other than that, I don’t have anything for you.”

 

“You didn’t go to O’Hara though. Had you already broken up with her?”

 

“Yes. But does it really matter why I came to you?”

 

Carlton sighed. “No. I suppose not. It seems to be working for you.”

 

Spencer smiled at him, a genuine smile that reached his eyes. Spencer didn’t smile like that much these days.

 

“It is working. And while we’re on the subjects of idiots, why do you let people think you’re one?”

 

“Because nobody understands me. I’m a little too enthusiastic with my work. That scares people. At least if I act like an idiot they aren’t worried about what I might do. People respected me though, for the most part. Until you came along.”

 

Spencer laid a hand on his shoulder. “You know that’s all going to change now. I’m going to make sure you’re even more respected than you were. They’re all going to look up to you, Lassie.”

 

Carlton didn’t know what to say to that. He had never been good with feelings, though talking to Spencer had so far been easier than talking to any of the women in his life. It just seemed to come naturally to them.

 

“Come on, Spencer. We should get to bed now.”

 

Spencer turned off the television and they left the puzzle where it was. They climbed back into bed, and when Spencer scooted close enough to Carlton that Carlton could feel the heat coming off of him, well, Carlton didn’t say anything.

 

*****

Carlton was completely absorbed in the book he was reading. He was so absorbed that it was a while before he realized just how much time had passed. Spencer had been in the shower for well over an hour now. That couldn’t be good. 

 

He set his book down and went to the bathroom door and knocked. “Spencer?”

 

There was no answer. He pounded on the door. “Spencer!” he shouted.

 

Still no answer.

 

Worried now, he let himself into the bathroom. The shower was still running and the curtain was drawn.

 

“Spencer?” he tried again. Nothing.

 

He walked up to the shower and pulled back the curtain. Spencer was curled up in the corner of the tub, ice cold water raining down on him. He was shaking and possibly even having a panic attack. It was hard to tell because Spencer was shaking so violently. 

 

“Jesus, Spencer.”

 

He shut off the water and grabbed a couple of towels. He bundled Spencer up as best as he could and carried him to the bed where he dried Spencer off and then hunted down a pair of his boxers. 

 

He managed to not only get the boxers on Spencer, but to get him under the covers as well. Spencer was still shaking quite badly though, so with a sigh, Carlton stripped down to his boxers and crawled under the covers with Spencer, pressing their bodies together and wrapping his arms around him.

 

He kept up a steady stream of chatter, trying his best to soothe Spencer. Eventually Spencer stopped shivering, and a short period after that, he even relaxed into Carlton and fell asleep.

 

Carlton kept his arms firmly around Spencer. He had no idea what had just happened except that Spencer had scared the shit out of him.

 

He didn’t think he was going to be able to sleep. He was too worried about Spencer. Yet eventually he found himself drifting off.

 

***

 

The bed was empty when Carlton woke up. He could smell food though. That meant Spencer was probably cooking breakfast for the both of them. He threw a t-shirt on and joined Spencer in the kitchen.

 

“Take a seat, Lassie. Breakfast is almost done.”

 

Carlton took a seat at the table and waited for Spencer to finish cooking. He didn’t know if they were going to talk about last night or not. He hoped they would. He wanted to know what the hell had happened. Spencer looked fine now, like nothing had happened last night. He wondered if Spencer was just putting an act on for him. Carlton didn’t like that thought. Carlton was the one person that Spencer could be himself around, so why would he put on an act. He really hoped Spencer wasn’t.

 

Spencer served them both breakfast and they ate quietly. When they were finished, Carlton took their dishes to the sink to clean them. He hoped Spencer wouldn’t run off while he did this. It wasn’t like Spencer was actually going to go somewhere though. The only time he ever went out these days was to work a case. 

 

Spencer was still waiting for him at the table when Carlton was done. He sat back down and waited. He didn’t have to wait for long.

 

“Lassie, you have no idea what it’s like to have an eidetic memory and to be trained to take in every detail of everything. Sometimes it’s just too much. Sometimes my dreams like to take the people I care about and substitute them in as the ones being tortured or murdered. I don’t know how to make it go away.”

 

Carlton didn’t have any idea what it was like. He could only imagine how bad it would be, but he knew his imagination couldn’t compare to whatever it was that Spencer saw.

 

“Spencer, how have you dealt with it in the past?”

 

“I ran. I haven’t stayed anywhere as long as I have here since I was old enough to get out on my own and finally leave.”

 

“Have you thought about running again?”

 

Spencer laughed wryly. “Oh, Lassie. I was going to run. I was going to leave everyone behind without saying a word. I don’t know what made me stop here, but I did. I knew I hadn’t planned on staying, and then you invited me in.”

 

Carlton couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Are you saying you stayed because of me?”

 

“Figures, right? All this time you’ve been trying to do anything you could to get rid of me. You invite me in one night and you lose your chance at getting rid of me.”

 

Carlton could deal with that. He was shocked, but he could deal with it. It was true that Carlton had always wanted to get rid of Spencer, but he didn’t regret taking Spencer in. Spencer had clearly needed help.

 

It was what had happened last night that still had Carton worried. “What about last night? What do you need from me now?”

 

Spencer’s features softened into a smile. “There’s nothing you can do, Lassie. At least nothing more than what you’re already doing.”

 

Carlton didn’t like hearing that there wasn’t anything more he could do. He wanted to help Spencer. He didn’t want a repeat of last night.

 

What Spencer really needed was professional help, which he didn’t even believe in. Spencer probably wouldn’t want to see someone anyway since his mother was in that particular profession.

 

“Thanks for keeping me, Lassie,” Spencer said so quietly that Carlton almost missed it.

 

Carlton shrugged it off like it was no big deal even though it kind of warmed his heart to hear. 

 

“I’m so used to you causing chaos at the department that it would probably be too quiet without you around.”

 

Spencer huffed out a laugh and then got up and headed back towards the bedroom.

 

Spencer was clearly more troubled than Carlton had realized. He felt the overwhelming need to fix Spencer. That was mixed with the crushing weight of knowing that he wouldn’t be able to.

 

He got up and followed Spencer back to the bedroom where Spencer had gotten back into bed.

 

“Mind if I join you?”

 

Spencer pulled back the covers in invitation so Carlton crawled in next to him. Spencer was lying on his back and before Carlton could think too much about it, he scooted over to Spencer and put an arm around him. He knew it was okay when Spencer let one of his hands rest on Carlton’s arms.

 

“Did you know that I was going to propose to Jules?”

 

“No, I definitely did not know that.”

 

“I was only going to do it because I thought she was expecting me to do it. Stupid, really. I wasn’t going to propose because I wanted to and I couldn’t even tell her the truth anyway.”

 

Carlton didn’t say anything because he agreed with Spencer. It was stupid. He didn’t know what the hell Spencer had been thinking.

 

“You told me you were going to shoot me if I didn’t treat her right. You haven’t shot me though.”

 

“In case you missed it, Spencer, you’re kind of a mess.”

 

Spencer snorted. “Yeah. I am. I hurt her though.”

 

“Would you have ever told her the truth?”

 

Spencer was quiet for so long that Carlton didn’t think he was going to answer.

 

“I thought about it. I thought about it so many times. In the end I don’t think I would have done it.”

 

“Then maybe it was for the best.”

 

“Maybe it was,” Spencer sighed, moving closer to Carlton. His breathing evened out and he fell asleep. Carlton honestly didn’t know if that was for the best or not. Spencer clearly needed the sleep, but if he had nightmares then would it really be worth it?

 

Carlton was way out of his league. He wasn’t good at comforting people who had regular problems. Spencer didn’t exactly have regular problems. Spencer wasn’t exactly regular.

 

“What the hell am I going to do with you, Spencer?” Carlton murmured.

 

*****

Carlton was still in bed when there was knock at the door. He heard Spencer answer the door and he could hear Guster talking to Spencer. He didn’t know what the hell they were thinking getting together so early on a Saturday morning. Carlton kind of just wanted to stay in bed, and it wouldn’t have been the worst thing in the world if Spencer had decided to stay in bed with him.

 

With a groan he rolled out of bed and showered. When he was done he made his way out to the kitchen where both Spencer and Guster were cooking.

 

“Good morning, sleepy head,” Spencer called out. Carlton rolled his eyes and went straight for the coffee pot, but Spencer handed him a cup. Carlton took a sip and sighed. It was exactly the way he liked it.

 

He sat down and let Guster and Spencer finish whatever it was they were cooking. It was probably something that had pineapples in it. He had gotten used to there being pineapples in practically everything since Spencer had moved in with him.

 

Sure enough, when Carlton took a bite of the pancakes that were set in front of him, there were pineapples in it. 

 

“So what are you two doing today?”

 

“We’re just gonna hang out here and play video games all day. You should join us, Lassie.”

 

“You’re playing video games all day? That’s it? Then why the hell did Guster have to be here so early?”

 

Spencer rolled his eyes. “Just ignore him, Gus. Lassie is a Mr. Grumpy Pants first thing in the morning.”

 

Carlton huffed but didn’t say anything. He knew Guster and Spencer were a package deal, but he hated how Spencer went back to acting like his idiot self when Guster was around. It still boggled his mind that Spencer felt the need to do that with Guster. It was frustrating, but Carlton couldn’t exactly tell Spencer to stop acting like an idiot in front of Guster.

 

After they finished breakfast, Guster and Spencer headed to the TV for video games and Carlton took his book to the bedroom to get some reading in. 

 

He ignored Guster and Spencer for as long as he could before the shouts and cheers from the living room finally pulled him from the bedroom.

 

They were playing some fighting game that Carlton had never heard of. When Guster lost to Spencer, he handed the remote over to Carlton. Carlton stared at it a moment before shrugging and taking it.

 

That had clearly been a mistake as he lost hours of the day playing video games with the two of them, and would have probably lost more if not for the fact that his stomach growled at him pretty incessantly.

 

“Are you guys hungry too, or is it just me?”

 

“I could eat,” Guster replied.

 

“Same here.”

 

“Do you guys want to order pizza in or should we go out?” Carlton asked.

 

“Order in,” Spencer said before Guster could answer. He ran for the phone and began ordering the pizza. His pie had pineapples, of course.

 

The pizza arrived and the three of them ate at the table. Guster and Spencer spent their time between amusing each other and eating. For the most part, they ignored Carlton. This was normal for them.

 

To Carlton though, it was like two children eating together. Except he was actually kind of amused by the two of them. Normally he wouldn’t even put up with them for this long, but it had been easier since Spencer had moved in with him.

 

After they finished eating, Guster and Spencer went back to their video games but Carlton went and hid in the bedroom again with his book. He didn’t want to get sucked into the video game again and it was too loud to sit out there with them and read.

 

Carlton got lost in his book and he was surprised that it was dark when Spencer walked into the bedroom.

 

“Why didn’t you stay out there with us, Lassie?”

 

“I didn’t want to lose hours to that video game again.”

 

Spencer laughed. “Yeah, they are kind of addicting and it is really easy to lose hours to them.”

 

“How are you feeling?” It had been about a month since Spencer had had his serious meltdown, and every once in a while he asked Spencer how he was feeling. He was pretty sure that Spencer was both annoyed and secretly pleased with the attention.

 

“I’m fine.”

 

It was the same answer that Spencer gave him every time. He knew Spencer was lying. He could see how hard of a time Spencer was having. All he wanted was to help Spencer.

 

“I wish you would stop saying that. I know you’re not.”

 

“Then why do you keep asking me?”

 

“Spencer, I just want to help you.”

 

“Lassie, I know you do.”

 

Carlton put his book down and rolled onto his side. He didn’t want to have this discussion with Spencer again. If Spencer didn’t want his help then there was nothing that he could do. He would just have to watch Spencer suffer. His stomach churned at the thought though.

 

Spencer sighed and turned out the lights. He stayed on his side of the bed. That only lasted for a few minutes before Spencer was scooting as close as he dared to Carlton.

 

“Please don’t be mad, Lassie. There isn’t anything that you can do and you know that. This isn’t as simple as making me a cup of tea and giving me some cookies and then everything will be all right.”

 

“You won’t even let me try though.”

 

Spencer pushed at Carlton’s shoulder until Carlton rolled onto his back.

 

“What?”

 

“I don’t like that you’re mad at me.”

 

Carlton sighed. “Spencer, I’m not mad. I’m just frustrated. I just want to help.”

 

Spencer rested a hand on Carlton’s chest. Spencer had always touched him more than anyone else at the station, and even Guster, but lately Spencer touched him more often. Spencer was always putting a hand on his shoulder or resting a hand on his back or sitting too close to him on the couch. Sometimes they even woke up pressed together even though they didn’t start that way at night.

 

Carlton didn’t mind.

 

“I’m sorry,” Spencer whispered in his ear.

 

“I know.” He took Spencer’s hand in his and gave him a squeeze. “Try and get some sleep.”

 

Spencer patted his chest and then settled in next to him. Carlton waited until he was sure that Spencer was asleep before even allowing himself to close his eyes. 

 

He actually had some ideas about how to help Spencer, but he and Spencer weren’t really there yet in their relationship. Maybe someday soon, but not now.

 

*****

He threw Spencer to the ground and fell down on top of him with a grunt. He had taken the bullet instead of Spencer, exactly the way he had planned it. He gritted his teeth against the pain as Spencer pushed him off of him and started fussing over him.

 

Everything was a blur until Carlton was sitting in his hospital bed, bullet removed, trying to shoo O’Hara and Chief Vick out of his room. He had only been alone for a few minutes when Spencer showed up. Carlton wasn’t surprised by this. He would have been more surprised if Spencer hadn’t shown up.

 

Spencer pulled up a chair right next to Carlton’s bed and grasped one of his hands. He just sat there without saying a word. He would stay all night, only sneaking out of Carlton’s room in the morning before anyone else showed up.

 

***

 

“I told you I’m fine. I have a ride home. I don’t need you to stay here and wait for me.”

 

Both Chief Vick and O’Hara remained unconvinced. Finally Chief Vick let out a sigh. “Fine. We’ll go. If you need us then you call, understand?”

 

Once they were gone Spencer showed up. He had known Spencer would be hanging around to take him home. He didn’t want anyone to know that he was here though because he and Carlton weren’t telling anyone that Spencer had moved in with him. 

 

“Ready to get out of here, Lassie?”

 

“Yes. Please. Take me home.”

 

Spencer helped him back to the condo, into his pajamas, and into bed. Carlton had tried to push Spencer away at first when he had started helping him change clothes, but Spencer reminded him that he had carried a wet and naked Spencer from the tub to the bed and had helped him get dressed. Carlton had relented and had let him help.

 

Carlton sank back against the pile of pillows that Spencer had provided him with.

 

“You know, it’s just me here, Lassie. You don’t have to be the big bad detective.”

 

Carlton let out a sigh. “I know.”

 

Spencer nodded. “You get some rest. I’ll come check on you in a little bit, okay?”

 

Spencer left the room and Carlton with his thoughts. Spencer still teased him at work, but he didn’t really do it at home. He was usually still pretty quiet at home anyway. Carlton was still trying to get used to the fact that all it was that Spencer was doing _was_ teasing.

 

Spencer wouldn’t give Carlton a hard time about this though. Not after everything that Carlton had helped him through. 

 

Spencer came back into the room with some soup.

 

“I thought you wanted me to rest.”

 

“I decided that you should probably eat something. It’s not much. You should be able to manage it.”

 

“Thanks for… everything, Spencer.”

 

Spencer shrugged. “I kind of owe you, Lassie. Not that I wouldn’t be doing this anyway.”

 

“Spencer, you don’t owe me anything. You needed help.”

 

“Yeah, but Lassie, you didn’t even really like me. You took me in anyway. I definitely owe you.”

 

Carlton couldn’t deny that he hadn’t been Spencer’s biggest fan before he had taken Spencer in. He had gotten used to Spencer being around all the time and had even admired the way Spencer’s mind worked, but Carlton wasn’t sure that he would have ever called them friends.

 

“It doesn’t matter if we were friends or not. I took you in because you needed it. You don’t owe me anything.”

 

Spencer stretched out on the bed next to him. “What was it that made you take me in that night, Lassie?”

 

“You want the truth?”

 

Spencer nodded.

 

“I saw desperation in your eyes. I couldn’t turn you away. Not after seeing that. I didn’t realize it until I had already taken you in though. It was almost instinct.”

 

Carlton ate his soup, Spencer lying next to him silently. When he was finished he handed his bowl back to Spencer.

 

“Does this mean you’re going to let me take care of you, Lassie?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay. Good.”

 

Spencer left him alone with his thoughts again. He had to admit that he hadn’t really thought that Spencer had it in him to take care of a friend like this. He couldn’t see Spencer doing this for Guster. Was it really out of a feeling of debt and gratitude that Spencer was doing this for him? Or had something changed in their relationship since Spencer had moved in?

 

He didn’t think Spencer had ever really disliked him the way that he had disliked Spencer. He had never really disliked Spencer as a person though. He hadn’t been infatuated with him the way everyone else seemed to be, but Spencer wasn’t a bad person. It was his methods and his complete disregard for rules that Carlton couldn’t stand.

 

It wasn’t as bad now, now that he and Spencer had figured out a decent working relationship for the two of them, but there were still days when he wouldn’t mind strangling Spencer. Sometimes Spencer overcompensated when trying to convince everyone that he was okay, that there was nothing wrong with him. Not even Guster knew just how broken Spencer had become. 

 

Carlton wasn’t going to be able to sleep. He knew Spencer had meant it when he had implied that Carlton could be a huge wimp if he wanted to be. Right now Carlton actually kind of wanted to be.

 

“Spencer!” he called. Shawn was at the bedroom door in an instant. Before Carlton had even gotten a chance to open his mouth to ask, Shawn was crawling into bed with him, pressing in close and wrapping an arm around him. Sometimes it was hard to believe that Shawn wasn’t actually a psychic. 

 

Carlton sighed and fell asleep almost instantly.

 

***

 

Spencer was still in bed with him when he woke up, though he was sitting up and reading now.

 

“You didn’t have to stay.”

 

“You would have.” 

 

It was true. He would stay in bed with Spencer if Spencer needed it.

 

“Do you want me to heat up some more soup for you?”

 

“I just want to go back to sleep.”

 

“I think that’s probably a good idea. Do you want some of your pain pills?”

 

“No. I’m good.”

 

“Lassie…”

 

“I’m being serious. I’m fine. Just…” Carlton didn’t know how to put into words that he wanted Spencer to lie down next to him and put his arm around him again. It felt strange asking for that. They were slowly becoming friends and it didn’t seem like something he could ask for yet.

 

Once again Spencer seemed to know exactly what he wanted. Spencer was warm against him. It was nice. It was comforting. Something he never thought to get with Spencer. Carlton was enjoying it more than he probably should too. It didn’t matter. He wasn’t feeling well. He had been shot. He had an excuse. He moved further into Spencer’s warmth and ignored everything else.

 

*****

Four months after Spencer had shown up at his condo and Carlton found himself worried about Spencer. Again. Not that he had ever completely stopped worrying about Spencer. There was always a constant worry for Spencer these days. This was new and fresh though. Some new problem with Spencer that Carlton wasn’t going to be able to push away like he could with his constant worry.

 

For a while there Spencer had actually been doing better. Or at least he had been doing better than when he had first shown up at Carlton’s place. 

 

Now though, Spencer seemed to be having a really hard time keeping up the psychic charade. Spencer actually seemed to be having a really hard time keeping up any charade at all. He could barely manage fake smiles these days.

 

Carlton had brought up his concerns with Guster only to find out that Guster was worried about Spencer too. They agreed that Spencer was probably burned out and needed to take a break from it. 

 

Carlton took the responsibility of telling Spencer himself.

 

He brought it up over dinner that night.

 

“Spencer, Guster and I were talking earlier and we think that you should take a break from the psychic gig.”

 

“Oh that’s nice. The two of you are talking about me and making decisions for me. Since when did you become my father?”

 

“There’s no need to insult me, Spencer. You know I’m just trying to help you. Guster and I are just worried about you.”

 

He couldn’t understand why Spencer felt the need to fight him on this. Spencer always had to fight with people who were just looking out for him.

 

“Look, we both feel that you seemed to be burned out by the psychic gig. What’s so wrong with taking a break from it, or better yet, taking a vacation?”

 

Spencer looked down at his food. “I couldn’t take a vacation even if I wanted to.”

 

“Why not?”

 

Spencer let out a sigh and focused his attention back on Carlton. “I wouldn’t be able to sleep.”

 

“You wouldn’t be able to sleep? I don’t understand.”

 

Spencer didn’t say anything though. Carlton wasn’t the head detective for nothing and it quickly dawned on him what Spencer meant.

 

“Have you tried sleeping without me there?”

 

Spencer nodded.

 

“I see.”

 

“I suppose I can take a break from being a psychic though, at least once we’re done with this case. Gus will jump on the chance to actually do some work at his real job.”

 

“Good.”

 

Carlton was already busy thinking his way through some plans. He could make this work.

 

He was also now a little worried that Spencer had become a little too dependent on him. He could only deal with one problem at a time so that one was going to have to wait.

 

***

 

“Spencer!” Carlton called out when he got home.

 

“Present!” came the reply from the bedroom. He walked in to find Spencer lounging on the bed with the television on.

 

“Big day?” Carlton asked.

 

“You’re the one who wanted me to take a break, Lassie. So you can’t complain if I’m sitting around and doing nothing.”

 

“I know. I wasn’t complaining. I do have some news for you however.”

 

“Oh really.”

 

“You’re going on vacation.”

 

Spencer turned off the television and sat up. “I told you that I can’t, Lassie.”

 

Carlton sat down on the bed next to him. “I know what you said, Spencer, but I have a plan. As far as everyone is concerned, you and Guster are going on a trip. It’ll be somewhere where there isn’t any cell service. I’ll be going on a fishing trip where there is also no cell service. The reality is that Guster will be going on a trip by himself and you’ll be coming out with me to the lake.”

 

Spencer stared at him without saying a word. 

 

“Do you not like the plan, Spencer?”

 

“How long are we going for?”

 

“A week.”

 

Spencer was looking at Carlton like he was a puzzle that needed solving. “You took a week off of work so that I can go on vacation? Lassie…”

 

“Don’t worry about it. Just start packing.”

 

He didn’t need Spencer getting all mushy on him. Spencer needed a break so Carlton was just making sure that he got one.

 

“Do we leave in the morning?”

 

“First thing.”

 

Spencer got off the bed and began packing his things. Carlton did the same.

 

In bed that night, Spencer shifted closer to Carlton than he normally did. Carlton thought about saying something but decided he preferred the warmth of Spencer’s body next to his so he didn’t bother.

 

***

 

They left early in the morning. For all Spencer’s griping any time he had to get up early, Spencer was usually up before him. Spencer didn’t get much sleep, even on nights that he didn’t have nightmares. Or at least on nights that Carlton was aware of his nightmares. He had a feeling that Spencer had nightmares more often than that. They just weren’t as bad as the nights where Carlton had to wake him up.

 

Once at the cabin Spencer went out to the porch overlooking the lake and sat on the bench that was out there. Carlton grabbed a couple of beers - the cabin was fully stocked for them - and brought them out to the porch, handing one to Spencer.

 

“Thanks.”

 

Carlton sat down next to him. It was still early in the afternoon. The sky was clear and the air was cool and crisp. It was peaceful. It was exactly what Spencer needed. 

 

After a few minutes though, Spencer got up. This was never going to help relax Spencer if Spencer wasn’t going to relax.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Easy, Lassie. I’ll be right back.”

 

Carlton bit back a sigh but didn’t relax until Spencer was sitting next to him again. He had a couple of books with him and he handed one of them to Carlton. It was a science fiction novel. It wasn’t something he normally read but this was all part of Spencer’s plan to broaden his horizons. 

 

Carlton wanted to make some remark about Spencer being able to sit still long enough to read a book, but he caught himself just in time. Months of this quieter Spencer and Carlton still sometimes had trouble remembering. He still expected Spencer to start yammering about whatever it was that popped into his head. That didn’t happen unless other people were around though.

 

They read quietly together until neither of them could ignore their rumbling stomachs. Carlton pulled a few patties out of the fridge and a couple of potatoes as well, and they grilled dinner together.

 

There was a table out on the back porch too so they ate outside and watched the sun set. When they were finished Spencer sat back down on the bench while Carlton cleaned up. It was his vacation too but he preferred that Spencer be the one relaxing. He was genuinely worried about Spencer. 

 

Carlton finished cleaning up and then went inside to grab a blanket. He joined Spencer on the bench and covered both of them with it. With the sun down it was cooler out.

 

Spencer sighed and moved closer to Carlton. Before he could think too much on it, he put his arm around Spencer’s shoulders and pulled Spencer to him. Spencer relaxed against him and they stayed there until Spencer was nearly asleep in his arms.

 

***

 

In the morning Carlton wasn’t surprised to find Spencer awake before him. He was surprised to find that Spencer was dressed and ready to go fishing with him. 

 

“Your dad said he could never get you up early enough to go fishing with him so I thought you didn’t like fishing.”

 

“I don’t really like fishing, especially not with my dad. You’ve been with him. I’m sure you remember how much fun it was.”

 

Carlton grimaced at the memory. “You have a point. If you don’t like fishing you don’t have to come with me.”

 

“Just promise me you’ll throw them all back.”

 

He’d rather keep them so he could fry them up for dinner, but since this trip was about Spencer he would do whatever Spencer wanted.

 

“Sure. We can do that.”

 

They fished from the end of the pier, side by side, legs dangling over the edge. Spencer kept swinging his legs, part of the old Spencer shining through. At one time this probably would have annoyed Carlton, but he didn’t mind it so much right now.

 

Carlton did his best not to pout as Spencer reeled in yet another fish.

 

“Is there anything you aren’t good at?” He groused.

 

Spencer smirked at him. “I can’t touch my tongue to my elbow or whistle while I have food in my mouth.”

 

That was so much more like the old Spencer, the one that Carlton had grudgingly accepted, that all Carlton could do was gape at him. Spencer laughed and bumped his shoulder. Carlton smiled and bumped his shoulder back.

 

***

 

It was the middle of the night when Carlton woke up needing to relieve himself. He couldn’t move though. Spencer’s limbs were a warm, heavy weight on him. Who knew that Spencer was a cuddler. It was actually quite comfortable and he wouldn’t bother except that he really did have to go.

 

“Spencer,” he said, tapping the arm around him.

 

“Spencer,” he said more forcefully a second time. Some mumbling came from next to him.

 

“Spencer, get off of me.”

 

“Shit, sorry,” Spencer replied, now fully awake. He moved away from Carlton quickly like he thought that Carlton might be angry that Spencer had been cuddling with him. Carlton could understand that.

 

“Hey, it’s fine, Spencer. I just need to hit the head.” He got up and took care of business, and when he got back into bed, Spencer curled up around him again.

 

“Still okay?” Spencer asked. 

 

Carlton should tell Spencer it wasn’t. He should tell Spencer to get back to his own side of the bed. 

 

“It’s fine, Spencer. Go back to sleep.”

 

It wasn’t as if they hadn’t done something like this before. Those had been when one of them had been hurt or had been suffering. It wasn’t something they normally did but that didn’t mean they couldn’t. Maybe they shouldn’t but Carlton wasn’t sure he really cared. 

 

Spencer sighed, his breath warm on Carlton’s neck. If Carlton smiled, well, nobody was around to see it.

 

***

 

The rest of the week passed in the same manner. They got up early to go fishing and then spent most of their day sitting outside on the porch. At night, Spencer curled himself around Carlton. Spencer didn’t have one nightmare on their vacation. 

 

The point of the trip had been for Spencer to relax, but Carlton was surprised by how relaxed even he was by the end of the week.

 

He was also surprised by how easy it was to spend an entire week with just Spencer all of the time. He had been spending a lot of time alone with Spencer, but they were mostly together around other people, including Guster. This trip had just been the two of them alone and Carlton had enjoyed himself.

 

It felt like he and Spencer were actually friends. Carlton didn’t have friends though and Spencer didn’t really either. Not outside of Guster. 

 

He was actually comfortable with Spencer though and Spencer was comfortable with him. What’s more was that Carlton actually liked Spencer, and he was pretty sure that Spencer liked him too. Maybe that was something he should have realized sooner considering Spencer had been sharing his bed for the past four months.

 

This trip had been different though. It was almost as if their relationship had somehow progressed on this trip. He didn’t know how and sure as hell didn’t know why, but Carlton was actually very okay with what had happened to their relationship.

 

*****

Not only was Spencer trying to broaden Carlton’s reading material, but he was doing the same with TV shows and movies as well. It was something that Spencer insisted on, actually.

 

Now Spencer was forcing him to watch some movie called _Over the Hedge_. Spencer was making him watch it because of Carlton’s vendetta against squirrels. He wanted to prove to Carlton that squirrels were not the evil creatures that Carlton seemed to think they were.

 

Spencer was curled up against him and Carlton had his arm around him. Ever since they had gone on vacation together they had spent more time like this. More often than not, Spencer spent his time in Carlton’s arms when they were relaxing on the couch and when they were in bed. 

 

Carlton had to admit that the squirrel in the movie was actually kind of amusing, but what he enjoyed more was the sound of Spencer’s laughter. Spencer seemed genuinely happy for the first time in a long time, and Carlton really liked seeing that.

 

Carlton was relaxed. He felt good. He started running his fingers though Spencer’s hair and scratching his head. Spencer let out a sigh and pulled Carlton’s free arm to him. He shifted so that it was more comfortable and then tightened his grip around Spencer.

 

“How are you enjoying the movie?”

 

“It’s entertaining enough.”

 

“And Hammy?”

 

“That’s the squirrel, right?”

 

Spencer chuckled. “Yes, Lassie.”

 

“Well I don’t want to shoot him, so I guess that says something.”

 

Spencer laughed at that. Carlton could feel the vibrations in his chest. He stopped running his fingers through Spencer’s hair so he could wrap that arm around Spencer too and give him a good squeeze.

 

“Mm,” Spencer sighed before taking Carlton’s hand and putting it back on his head. Carlton snorted but resumed running his fingers through Spencer’s hair.

 

When the movie was over, neither of them moved. They didn’t put another movie on. They just sat on the couch together in silence, enjoying each other’s company. 

 

It was a lazy Saturday for the two of them. It was raining outside and there had been a lull in the violent case loads. Between that and the vacation, it was no wonder that Spencer actually seemed to be having an easier time lately.

 

Spencer’s eyes had a little more life to them the past few days and he smiled a little more often. Spencer had been touching him even more since the vacation too, and had taken to hugging Carlton as well. 

 

Spencer didn’t touch him at the station any more than he normally did because he knew better than that, but when they were in the privacy of their own home, Spencer was always surprising him with hugs.

 

Carlton knew that Spencer had always been a tactile person, but he had become even more so since their vacation. Carlton was pretty sure that Spencer was only that tactile with him.

 

“We should go pick up some food,” Spencer murmured.

 

“Are you sure you want to move?”

 

Spencer shrugged. “We’re going to have to move anyway.”

 

“Maybe, but do you want to go out into the rain?”

 

“Actually, I kind of do.”

 

Carlton let out a groan. “Fine. Call in the order and we’ll go pick it up.”

 

It wasn’t raining too badly out, at least. Spencer seemed to be enjoying himself. He even went in to pick up the food. 

 

They brought the food home and ate on the couch in front of the television. Spencer curled up against him once more after they had finished dinner. 

 

They fell asleep on the couch, television still on.

 

*****

He hadn’t meant it. He had said words in the heat of the moment and he was really regretting it now. That didn’t happen often. 

 

He had left Spencer multiple text messages and voice mails but Spencer was ignoring him. He was probably long out of Santa Barbara by now. His luggage was gone and so was most of his stuff. He figured that Spencer would probably send Guster to grab the rest of his stuff at some point. Or maybe he didn’t care enough about the stuff to be bothered.

 

He collapsed onto the couch. He couldn’t sleep. Not after what had happened. He just wanted Spencer back and not mad at him, which was honestly something he never thought he would say.

 

He put on the TV but couldn’t tell you what was on. He didn’t know why this bothered him so much. He should be glad that Spencer was out of his hair now, and saying something like that was what essentially got them here now. Clearly he hadn’t meant it since he hated that Spencer was gone and hated that Spencer was mad at him, but more than that he hated that Spencer thought Carlton had meant it.

 

A gentle shaking woke him from his doze. “Spencer?” he asked through a yawn. 

 

“Yeah. It’s me.”

 

Carlton got off the couch but didn’t move too close to Spencer. “You came back.”

 

“I got your messages.”

 

“I thought you were gone.”

 

Spencer shrugged, hands in his pocket. “I _was_ gone.”

 

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean it. Maybe I would have months ago, but not anymore. I hope you know that. Please tell me you know that.”

 

Spencer shrugged again. Carlton had been married long enough to know that he was in the doghouse and probably would be for a while. “Come on. Let’s get you to bed.”

 

He led Spencer into the bedroom and got into bed while Spencer got ready for bed. He didn’t know what had made him compare this relationship to his marriage with Victoria. That was just ridiculous. They were friends. Carlton could admit that now, maybe only to himself, but he could admit it. That was all they were though. Sure they slept in the same bed, and sure since their vacation they spent most nights with Spencer curled around him, but that didn’t mean anything. 

 

Spencer crawled under the covers but stayed on his side of the bed. Carlton closed the distance between the two of them and pulled Spencer into his arms. Spencer stiffened, but didn’t push away, and finally he relaxed into the embrace. 

 

They would be okay. It might take some time, but they would be okay.

 

He tried not to think too much about how any of this was affecting him. That wasn’t something he wanted to examine too closely. 

 

***

 

Carlton made sure he was the first one out of bed in the morning. He made breakfast for the two of them and brought it back to the bedroom so Spencer could have breakfast in bed.

 

“Lassie, you don’t have to do this. I told you I forgive you.”

 

“This isn’t about forgiveness. I hurt you and I never want to do that again. I said things that I didn’t mean in the heat of the moment. It was stupid. I don’t want you gone. I haven’t wanted you gone for a while now, even if I’ve had a hard time admitting that to myself.”

 

“There’s nothing wrong with admitting that we’re friends, Lassie. Sure some people at the station would probably be shocked, but it’s not the most outrageous notion out there.”

 

Carlton smiled at him. “No it’s not. And you are my friend. I want you to stay here. I want you to continue helping me solve cases.”

 

“Well apparently you can’t get rid of me that easily, Lassie.”

 

“Whatever made you decide to stay, I’m glad for it.”

 

“Me too, Lassie. Me too.”

 

*****

 

Carlton had become too used to spending all of his free time with Spencer. His weekends were no longer his own. Even when Spencer wanted to hang out with Guster they would spend their time here at the condo. 

 

Today though, today Guster had managed to drag Spencer out of the condo and Carlton was facing an entire Saturday alone. He didn’t know what to do with himself. It had been so long since he had such a long stretch of time to himself. 

 

He should get out of the condo. That was probably the best thing for him to do. It was too late to go fishing so he headed to the shooting range instead. 

 

He spent a few hours there shooting targets. It relaxed him like it always did. He felt better once he was done, but he still had no idea how to fill the rest of his day.

 

So he went to lunch. He ate alone. It wasn’t exciting and it didn’t kill anywhere near enough time.

 

He went home to an empty condo. He hadn’t been expecting Spencer to be back this early anyway. He grabbed a book and spent the afternoon reading. 

 

He ate dinner by himself and then went to bed early. His bed was too empty without Spencer lying in bed next to him.

 

He hadn’t been asleep for long when he felt Spencer slide into bed beside him. Warm arms wrapped around him and Carlton let out a sigh, sinking into Spencer’s embrace.

 

Neither of them said anything.

 

Carlton wondered when his relationship with Spencer had changed so drastically that he felt infinitely better when Spencer was in bed next to him, arms around him. When had it become necessary for a good night’s sleep to have Spencer in bed beside him? When had he ever had a hard time filling his recreational hours?

 

When had Spencer become the most important part of his life?

 

When had his relationship with Spencer become so confusing?


	2. Chapter 2

Marlowe had been released earlier today. Carlton had wanted to pick her up at the jail but she had insisted on waiting to see him until tonight. She wanted to make herself presentable before seeing him. Carlton really hadn’t wanted that, but she had insisted and Carlton had been unable to resist.

 

He was waiting at the restaurant for Marlowe. She was ten minutes late already. He was giving her the benefit of the doubt though because she _had_ just gotten out of jail.

 

When she was half an hour late though he knew that she wasn’t coming. He just didn’t know why. He was about to stand up when Spencer showed up. 

 

“Lassie, have you been stood up? Who would do that to you?”

 

“Spencer,” Carlton growled. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I was walking by and happened to see you sitting here all by your lonesome. You looked like you were waiting for someone so I thought I’d come say hi.” Spencer sat down across from him and when the waiter came over he ordered a drink.

 

“Spencer, what do you think you’re doing?”

 

Spencer looked at him like he was an idiot. “I’m having dinner with you. What does it look like?”

 

Carlton opened his mouth to object but shook his head and closed it. The last time he had eaten out with Spencer had been when Spencer had demonstrated his psychic abilities. They usually stayed home and either took turns cooking or cooked together or ordered in. 

 

“Fine.”

 

“Aw, Lassie. You sound so excited to be having dinner with me. Your enthusiasm is just so overwhelming.”

 

Carlton rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything.

 

Dinner turned out to be nice though. He spent so much time with Spencer at home or out in the field or at the station. They never went out like this. The only time they had been away from everything was the vacation they had taken together. That had been about two months ago. They had actually, if Carlton was honest with himself, grown closer in the past couple of months. A lot closer than Carlton would have expected.

 

When they got home he found there was a message from Marlowe on the machine. She said she was sorry that Carlton had to cancel dinner and she hoped that they could get together soon.

 

Carlton blinked, his mouth open. He turned to face Spencer and found Spencer shuffling his feet and not looking at him. Carlton counted to ten in his head. Then he did it a second time. He took a deep breath.

 

“What the hell did you do, Spencer?” Carlton growled. Spencer didn’t answer him. 

 

“Answer me, Spencer. What the hell did you do?”

 

Spencer still didn’t look at him. “I may have found Marlowe and I may have implied that you had to cancel your dinner plans tonight.”

 

“Why? Why would you do that? What could you possibly gain by having done this?” Carlton was yelling now. 

 

“Because I wanted to be the one at dinner with you,” Spencer snapped. 

 

Carlton’s jaw dropped. He didn’t know what to say. Spencer was starting to turn red. Carlton ran a hand through his hair. He grabbed his car keys and left. 

 

He made it to Marlowe’s place in record time. 

 

“Carlton?” she asked when she opened the door. “What are you doing here? I thought you were busy tonight.”

 

Carlton shook his head. “That was a misunderstanding. If you’ll let me in, I’ll explain it to you.”

 

Marlowe opened the door for him and led him over to the couch. 

 

“I am so sorry about tonight. That was Spencer who called you and cancelled. He’s been having a rough time lately and he’s been staying with me.”

 

“Why would he call and cancel?”

 

Carlton shook his head and looked down at the floor. “Apparently he wanted to be the one at dinner with me.”

 

“And did you want to be at dinner with him?”

 

“With Spencer?” he asked incredulously. “Definitely not.”

 

Marlowe cocked her head and then leaned in to kiss him. Carlton froze. Marlowe pulled away and gave him a sad smile. “That’s what I thought.”

 

“No. No, that can’t be.”

 

“I think it is though.”

 

Carlton didn’t want to think about that right now. “I can’t deal with that right now. Why don’t we catch up instead.”

 

Marlowe nodded and they spent the next couple of hours talking. He hadn’t been going to see her as often as he used to. His visits had been less frequent since Spencer had shown up at his door. One small decision, the decision to let Spencer into his home, and his life had changed so completely.

 

“I’m sorry,” Carlton told Marlowe as he was about to leave.

 

“I know. It’s okay. You can’t help who you fall in love with.”

 

He leaned in and kissed her cheek. All this time he had thought he was waiting for her to get out. He had been waiting though. Something else had just been developing while he had been waiting and he hadn’t even realized it.

 

Though that wasn’t entirely true. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t noticed his developing relationship with Spencer. He just hadn’t thought about what exactly it was that had been developing with Spencer.

 

When Carlton got home, he brushed his teeth and decided to take a shower. He may not have had sex with Marlowe but he had kissed her and he probably still smelled like her. He didn’t want Spencer to have to smell that when he came to bed.

 

He got into bed but he definitely didn’t sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about Spencer’s admission and what had happened with Marlowe. It’s not like it wasn’t something he had thought about. Or rather, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about sex with Spencer. He had figured that was just because it had been a long time since he had gotten laid and he had just spent six months sleeping in the same bed as the man. It was hard to not think about it. It was never intentional. It just sometimes happened. 

 

He knew Spencer better than anyone else did, including Guster. That was actually kind of a scary though. Guster had known Spencer forever and yet Carlton knew Spencer so much better. 

 

He hadn’t actually thought about having a relationship with Spencer though. And yet… he had a better relationship with Spencer than he had ever had with any of the women he had been with, including Victoria. Spencer knew Carlton better than anyone else had. He knew the best and worst of Carlton and he still wanted to be with him.

 

Carlton finally fell into a restless sleep only to wake up a few hours later. Spencer wasn’t in bed with him, and if Spencer wasn’t in bed with him then that meant that Spencer wasn’t sleeping. 

 

Carlton dragged himself out of bed and went out to the living room. Spencer was lying on the couch, the TV playing but on mute. Spencer looked miserable. He had probably thought that Carlton wouldn’t have wanted him in bed with him because of the confession and because he had yelled at him. He probably also thought that Carlton had outright rejected him. It’s also possible that Spencer thought he had slept with Marlowe before coming home.

 

“Spencer, get up and get into bed.”

 

Spencer let out a sigh and turned off the television. He reluctantly got off the couch and followed Carlton into the bedroom. 

 

The past couple of months they had been sleeping in this bed wrapped around each other. Now though, Spencer was as close to the edge of the bed as he could get without actually hanging off the bed. Carlton waited until Spencer was asleep before he let himself drift off again. 

 

He had only gotten another few hours of sleep when he was woken up again. This time he was woken up for something he was normally woken up for. Spencer was having a nightmare. He grasped Spencer’s shoulders like he normally did, but instead of Spencer calming down, he flipped Carlton off the bed. Carlton hit his head against the corner of the nightstand and let out a curse.

 

“Shit,” Spencer muttered and the lights came on. 

 

Carlton pressed his hand against the wound on his head. He hated head wounds. “You know, I wasn’t actually mad at you.” 

 

“I didn’t do this on purpose.”

 

“I know.” And Carlton did. The only reason he was ever able to calm Spencer after a nightmare was because Spencer trusted him and was comfortable with him. Tonight though, Spencer had thought that Carlton was mad at him. He didn’t think that Spencer had felt any less safe, but subconsciously Spencer must have been worried. Something like that. Carlton’s head was fuzzy right now and he understood what had happened, but he couldn’t quite piece it together. 

 

“I didn’t sleep with Marlowe either.”

 

“But you were at her place for hours. You came home and took a shower.”

 

“We just talked. And just because we didn’t have sex didn’t mean that I still didn’t smell like her. I didn’t want you to come to bed having to smell that.”

 

Spencer was in front of him suddenly, helping him off the floor and into the bathroom. He sat him down on the toilet and cleaned the wound on his head. “I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to knock you off the bed.”

 

“Spencer, I know. It’s fine.”

 

“You’re lucky. This could be a lot worse. It doesn’t look like it needs stitches.” Spencer kept the washcloth pressed to the wound though. 

 

“What happened with Marlowe,” Spencer asked after a few minutes of silence.

 

Carlton shrugged. “I don’t know. She kissed me and I froze.”

 

“She wasn’t the one you wanted.”

 

It wasn’t a question, but Carlton answered it anyway. “Apparently not.”

 

It was probably the worst possible time to have this conversation, especially since Carlton had a head wound. Carlton couldn’t stop the questions though. “Spencer, you flirt with anyone who crosses your path. Have you ever been with a man before?”

 

“No. That doesn’t mean I haven’t noticed them though. I’ve definitely thought about it. What about you? Any other experiences with men other than the guy at the picnic and the guy you sent flowers to? Oh, and of course Woody. We can’t forget Woody. He would be very upset to hear that we left him out.”

 

Carlton looked up and saw Spencer smirking at him. Carlton glared at him but Spencer just smiled. “I’ve never actually had sex with- oh, wait. I guess that’s not exactly true.”

 

Spencer waggled his eyebrows and grinned. “Do tell, Lassie.”

 

Carlton had never told anyone about this. In fact, he had forgotten all about it until just now. “There might have been a drunken hand job, or two, back in my Academy days. I had forgotten about that.”

 

Spencer raised an eyebrow and looked at Carlton expectantly. Spencer had him. “Okay. Fine. There may have been a drunken blow job too. Happy now?”

 

“Did you enjoy it?”

 

“It wasn’t great. It wasn’t terrible either though.” 

 

Spencer’s face suddenly turned serious. “Lassie, is us being together something you’ve ever thought about before?”

 

Carlton let out a sigh. “To be honest, I hadn’t really considered a romantic relationship with you. You’ve been sleeping in my bed for six months though. It isn’t as if I haven’t thought of other things. Then when I went to bed last night I started thinking about how this is the best relationship I’ve ever had. As ridiculous as that sounds.”

 

Spencer actually laughed. “It’s not ridiculous, Lassie. This is the best relationship I’ve ever had too.”

 

Carlton removed Spencer’s hand from the back of his head. “This is insane.”

 

Spencer grinned at him and then leaned in and kissed him. It was just a gentle press of lips and then Spencer pulled back just enough so that their noses were practically touching. “So are we going to try this then?” Spencer whispered.

 

Carlton panicked. He couldn’t make this decision right now. This was Spencer after all. Spencer wasn’t known for taking anything seriously. His relationships never lasted. He was a child. Except he had been different these past few months, but would he stay that way? Or would he go back to his old ways? Could Carlton trust Spencer with his heart? Did he even want to give Spencer that opportunity?

 

Spencer seemed to sense his panic. “Okay, easy there, Lassie. We can talk about this in the morning. Why don’t we go back to bed now, okay?”

 

“Bed. Yes. That’s a good idea.”

 

Spencer helped him up and into bed. Spencer scooted as close to Carlton as he could without actually touching him. Carlton was feeling pretty miserable right now though so he moved back into Spencer, sighing when Spencer wrapped an arm around him. Sleep came easily.

 

***

 

The alarm dragged him from a sound sleep. His head was pounding and there was a warm body pressed against him. Now that he was awake his thoughts bombarded him, increasing the pounding in his head. He let out a groan and reached for his phone. He was about to make history.

 

“Did you actually just call in sick to work?” Spencer asked after Carlton had hung up the phone. 

 

Carlton didn’t answer. He burrowed back under the covers. He felt the bed shift and heard Spencer get out of bed. He didn’t want Spencer to leave. He hoped that Spencer had just gotten up to use the bathroom or something.

 

He bit back a smile when he felt Spencer get back in bed with him. Spencer held out a couple of pills in front of him. Carlton took them and Spencer handed him a glass of water. 

 

“Thanks.”

 

“No problemo, Lassie. Now go back to sleep.”

 

Spencer wrapped his arm around Carlton again and kissed his cheek.

 

Carlton was dozing when there was a knock at the door. Carlton let out a groan. “I’m going to shoot whoever is at the door.”

 

Spencer chuckled. “I’ll go see who it is.”

 

He heard whispered talking but couldn’t tell who the other person was. Moments later Spencer was back in the bedroom.

 

“Who was there?”

 

“It was just Guster. I sent him away though.”

 

Carlton let out a sigh. He managed to sit up but it made him woozy. He sat at the edge of the bed until he could see straight. Spencer stood close as Carlton stood up, ready to catch Carlton if he so much as wobbled. 

 

Spencer helped him to the bathroom and then back into bed. He sat up against the headboard. Now that he was awake he needed to think about his relationship with Spencer and what he was going to do about it.

 

Spencer dropped something onto his lap. It was a couple of guns and his cleaning equipment. Spencer really did know him very well.

 

Carlton began cleaning his guns and started thinking, going back and forth between talking out loud and thinking in his head.

 

“A romantic relationship with Spencer is certainly nothing I had ever considered before. Doesn’t mean I hadn’t thought about anything else. He has been sleeping in my bed for six months after all.”

 

Carlton had already gone through all of that in his head and had even told Spencer these things. He kept cleaning his gun though and kept talking, trying to work out everything that was in his head. 

 

“I think Chief Vick would actually be okay with this. She likes the way that we’ve been working together. As long as the relationship didn’t get in the way of work we would probably be okay. Unless she decides to not hire Spencer anymore which would actually be a bad thing since Spencer really does help us out a lot. She wouldn’t do that, would she? Or maybe she would transfer me. Would it matter to her that I’m head detective. Unless Spencer tells her that he won’t work with anyone who isn’t me. You would do that, wouldn’t you? I know how you really operate after all. We’ve been doing a much better job at catching bad guys since you let me in on your little secret. And she didn’t seem to have a problem with you and O’Hara.”

 

That was something that Carlton knew was going to be a problem no matter what.

 

“O’Hara is going to be a problem. I was so mad when you guys didn’t tell me you were sleeping together. I could tell her now and get it over with and then I wouldn’t be lying to her, but it’s not as if you guys broke up years ago or something. I would just hurt her if I told her now.”

 

Carlton was no closer to having an answer and he was glad that Spencer had brought him out two guns. He was grateful that Spencer didn’t interrupt him and just let him talk.

 

“The real question is does any of that matter? What’s more important is if I actually want to do this or not. It’s not like Spencer or I have great track records when it comes to relationships, yet my friendship with Spencer is the best relationship I’ve ever had. Would things be better or worse if we took that next step? Spencer still wants me even though he knows me like nobody else has. That has to say something, right? And I know the best and worst of Spencer and I’m not exactly against the idea of this. Maybe things could work out for us this time because of all that. There’s no hiding. There aren’t any secrets. There’s already trust and even respect.”

 

Carlton was almost done cleaning his guns. That was okay though. He was pretty sure that he had his answer.

 

“It’s a risk, but it’s always a risk. The real question is, is the risk worth it?”

 

Carlton put his guns down and looked up. Spencer was watching him carefully. 

 

Spencer had come to him when he had needed help, had trusted Carlton when there hadn’t really been much of a friendship even there. Carlton had, from time to time, thought about what would have happened to Spencer if he had gone somewhere else for help. Or rather, if he hadn’t decided to stop at Carlton’s place before heading out of town. He didn’t think anyone else would have been able to help Spencer the way that Carlton had and he didn’t think running away would have helped either. Carlton understood that dark side better than anyone else in Spencer’s life. He was pretty sure that that was what had made the difference. 

 

Helping Spencer had turned into something more. Their friendship had evolved. He cared about Spencer and knew that Spencer cared about him. Carlton felt lighter than he had in years. Spencer made him laugh. Spencer brought out his fun side. Carlton grounded Spencer. Even though Spencer still liked to goof off, he was more subdued. He no longer acted like the biggest idiot in the world. 

 

The answer was easy. He wanted to try this. How could he not? Spencer had somehow become the most important person in his life. They would probably screw this up somehow, but he _knew_ they would be able to work through it. They had clashed so horribly when Spencer had first started working with them, but they had managed. Now that they were something more than that he didn’t think there was anything they couldn’t do together.

 

“I want to try this.” His voice was low but Spencer heard exactly what he said and beamed at him.

 

Spencer put the guns and the cleaning equipment away and then pulled Carlton down and wrapped his arms around him.

 

“I still think this is insane.”

 

Spencer smiled at him. “I can do insane.” 

 

Spencer leaned in and kissed him. It was more than just a simple press of lips to lips, but Spencer didn’t try and deepen it either. It seemed that they both understood that they would take things slow. 

 

They kissed for a while. It wasn’t anything like Carlton had imagined it to be. He had figured that if anything had happened between the two of them it would be more aggressive rather than these slow, lingering kisses. 

 

It felt right kissing Spencer, and he would have continued doing it if not for the fact that the pounding in his head was growing increasingly worse. He pulled away from Spencer with a grimace. Spencer kissed his forehead and got out of bed. He came back with more pills and another glass of water. Carlton took them gratefully.

 

Spencer ran his fingers through Carlton’s hair, being careful to avoid the spot that Carlton had hit. It was soothing and he found himself letting out a contented sigh. Spencer kissed his forehead again. “Get some sleep, Lassie. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

 

They spent the day in bed. If Carlton wasn’t sleeping, then he and Spencer were spending their time kissing. He would have never thought it possible, but he was pretty sure that taking the day off of work had been worth it. 

 

The sun was starting to set when there was a knock at the door. Spencer got out of bed to see who it was, returning only moments later to tell him that Guster had brought food for them.

 

They sat around the table together eating in silence. Guster kept looking between the two of them though.

 

“Shawn, is there something you need to tell me?”

 

“Yes, Gus. Lassie and I spent the day in bed making out.”

 

Carlton rolled his eyes.

 

Guster shook his head and muttered under his breath, but Carlton heard what he said. 

 

“So Spencer has been telling you how he felt?”

 

“Not really. He mentioned it once or twice. He kept quiet on the whole thing. It was actually kind of strange.”

 

“Guster, are you okay with this?”

 

“I’ve had some time to think of this since Shawn mentioned something a couple of months ago. It’s weird, the two of you together, but for the past few months I’ve seen how close the two of have become, so it kind of makes sense. I still think it’s weird though.” Guster was glaring at him.

 

“Guster, I’m not trying to take him from you. You know you’re still welcome here any time.”

 

Guster’s facial expression softened. “Just as long as we’re clear on that.” He dug into his food with gusto and Carlton let himself smile. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Spencer smiling at him and knew that Spencer thought he had handled Guster exactly as he should have.

 

*****

Things had been going well between him and Spencer. They had been taking things slowly just as they had planned. Spencer had never been with a guy before and Carlton’s experience was very limited. They were both still kind of wary about taking the sexual part of their relationship to the next level.

 

They were both grown men though with strong libidos and making out in the bed could only suffice for so long. He was growing frustrated and he knew that Spencer was too.

 

Tonight he was going to do something about that though. It was Friday night and they had the whole weekend ahead of them. Maybe they could spend the entirety of it in bed. Hopefully doing more than making out.

 

That’s how they started out though. Before it turned into another night of just that, Carlton tugged at Spencer’s t-shirt. Spencer lifted his arms so Carlton could pull it off. He made quick work of it, tossing it across the room, hopefully not to be found again until the weekend was over.

 

Now that Carlton had gotten the ball rolling, Spencer was clearly on board with the plan. He pulled Carlton’s shirt off before going back to kissing him.

 

Carlton let his hands roam freely over bare skin. Spencer ran his fingers through Carlton’s chest hair. He moaned into the kiss, moving his hands around Spencer’s body to undo his jeans. He slid his hands into the back of his jeans and into Spencer’s briefs and gave his ass a squeeze.

 

Spencer laughed and shoved Carlton off of him so he could shove his pants down. Carlton took the opportunity to do the same and then he rolled back on top of Spencer where there was now nothing but skin against skin, which was incredibly fantastic.

 

Things went downhill from there though. They were completely uncoordinated together. They couldn’t find a rhythm, they bumped heads, and they kept elbowing or kneeing each other. Carlton had never had such a bad sexual experience. It was disappointing.

 

They pulled apart and were lying on their backs when Spencer started laughing.

 

“I fail to see what you find so funny about this situation.”

 

“Dude, that was awful.”

 

“I’m aware of that.”

 

“We didn’t even come.”

 

“Something else I’m very aware of. Again, I don’t see what’s so funny about this.”

 

Spencer turned his face so he could look at Carlton. “You really don’t find it just even the tiniest bit funny that our first time was so disastrous?”

 

Carlton glared at Spencer, who just rolled his eyes. 

 

“You know things can only get better from here, right?”

 

Carlton continued glaring.

 

Spencer sighed. “Okay, look. We can still fix this. Just stay here. Don’t move.”

 

Carlton did what Spencer wanted and watched as Spencer got out of bed and rummaged around in the bedside drawer, triumphantly pulling out a bottle of lube.

 

He licked his lips as he watched Spencer slick himself up. He didn’t know what Spencer had in mind. He just hoped it was better than what they had already experienced. 

 

Spencer joined him on the bed and straddled him. He lowered himself slowly until they were kissing again. He liked kissing Spencer. He could definitely keep doing this.

 

Spencer shifted so that their erections brushed together and that was even better. He couldn’t stay still any longer. He rocked up against Spencer. 

 

Somehow they managed to sync this time. It wasn’t much - hell, they were basically just rutting against each other - but it was amazing. He loved the noises that Spencer was making and the feeling of Spencer moving above him.

 

“Carlton,” Spencer groaned right before he came. The way Spencer said his name like that set off his own orgasm. “Shawn,” he gasped. 

 

Spencer collapsed on top of him and Carlton wrapped his arms around him. He could deal with Spencer’s weight on top of him for a while, especially after amazing sex like that.

 

“Dude, that was amazing. See, I told you we could fix this. I bet next time will be even more awesome.”

 

Carlton huffed but he didn’t disagree with him. Spencer let out a groan and rolled off of Carlton and off the bed. He disappeared into the bathroom, Carlton watching him the whole time, extremely tempted to tackle Spencer back down on the bed so he could bite that ass. 

 

Carlton’s breath caught with surprise at that thought and the want that flared through his body. He hadn’t been entirely sure how he was going to deal with all this considering his previous experiences hadn’t been all that great, but there was no doubt that he wanted Spencer.

 

Spencer came back from the bathroom with a damp cloth and cleaned the both of them up. He disappeared again, probably to get rid of the damp cloth, and then crawled back into bed with Carlton. 

 

Carlton pulled Spencer into his arms with a contented sigh. Spencer nuzzled at Carlton’s neck and ran his fingers through Carlton’s chest hair. 

 

“Lassie, does this mean we’re going to spend the whole weekend in bed?”

 

Carlton kissed the top of Spencer’s head. “I was kind of thinking we would.”

 

“Mmm, Lassie. I like the way you think.” Spencer let out a sigh and settled down to sleep, curled around Carlton the way he normally did.

 

***

 

Carlton was woken up in the middle of the night with kisses along his jaw and a hand stroking along his stomach.

 

“Ready to go again, Spencer?”

 

“What’s the matter, Lassie? Don’t tell me you can’t keep up with me.”

 

Carlton growled and rolled them so he was lying on top of Spencer. He thrust against Spencer and Spencer groaned, arching up into Carlton.

 

“What were you saying, Spencer?”

 

Spencer smirked and grabbed the lube off of the nightstand, shoving it into Carlton’s hand. He squirted some out and took both of them into his hand. He stroked the both of them in quick, rough pulls.

 

Carlton came first this time and Spencer wasn’t far behind him. Neither of them wanted to move to get something to clean up with so Carlton just wiped them both off with part of the sheet. 

 

They fell asleep tangled together.

 

***

 

The sun shining through the windows was what woke him the second time. He was surprised to see that Spencer was still asleep. Spencer never slept later than he did. Carlton chose to see Spencer still asleep as a good sign.

 

He stretched and got out of bed. He wanted a shower and some food before he spent the rest of the day with Spencer in bed. 

 

Spencer was still asleep when he got out of the shower. Gently, he shook Spencer and Spencer smacked his hand away. 

 

“What are you doing out of bed?”

 

“I wanted to shower and I want something to eat. Go shower and I’ll make us something while you’re in there.”

 

Spencer grumbled but got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. Carlton went out to the kitchen and made them both eggs and bacon. He also sliced some fresh pineapple for Spencer. There had been a lot of pineapple in his kitchen since Spencer had moved in.

 

Spencer joined him in the kitchen just as Carlton was finishing up their food. Spencer smirked when he saw the apron that Carlton was wearing. Carlton didn’t care. Normally he wouldn’t have bothered with an apron, but since he hadn’t put clothes on he hadn’t wanted to take any chances of burning something important.

 

He swatted Spencer’s bare ass and Spencer just laughed, and leaned in and kissed him before taking out some plates for their food and pouring them both drinks. 

 

Carlton finished their food and took off his apron. He brought their food to the table and Spencer followed him with their drinks. They ate in silence. Spencer couldn’t seem to stop smirking though.

 

“Okay, Spencer. What’s going through that head of yours?”

 

Spencer shook his head. “I just can’t believe you don’t have a problem with us sitting at your kitchen table naked.”

 

Carlton didn’t have an answer for that so he didn’t say anything. Spencer narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re not planning on scrubbing the chairs with bleach or something when we’re done, are you?”

 

“No. Why would I do that?”

 

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

 

Carlton rolled his eyes and sighed. “I’m not going to scrub the chairs, Spencer.”

 

Spencer still looked like he didn’t believe Carlton, but he shoveled the last of his food into his mouth and grabbed Carlton, dragging him into the bedroom.

 

Spencer shoved him down on the bed and followed him onto it. Carlton found himself laughing and realized that Spencer was laughing too. 

 

It was nice that he could have fun in bed with Spencer. That was something he had never had in all his years with Victoria. He could have fun and laugh and be stupid with Spencer.

 

He rolled them so that he was on top because he wanted to try something new with Spencer. He was about to make his way down Spencer’s body when he paused, something important coming to mind.

 

“Spencer, have you had sex since you moved in with me?”

 

Spencer shook his head. “You?”

 

“No.”

 

They looked at each other in silence for a few minutes before Carlton finally spoke up. “When we decided to do this I went and got tested.”

 

Spencer grinned up at him. “I did too.”

 

“I’m good to go. You?”

 

“Yeah. I am too.”

 

“So this is just the two of us now, right?”

 

“Of course it is, Lassie. Nobody else. Just you and me.”

 

Carlton nodded. “Good.”

 

He kissed his way down Spencer’s body until he was where he wanted to be. This was something he had done before but it wasn’t something he had ever thought he would be doing again. He hadn’t enjoyed it but he couldn’t deny that he had been thinking about doing this for Spencer for some time now. He _wanted_ to do this for Spencer. 

 

He stuck his tongue out and licked along Spencer’s length. He heard Spencer gasp and groan. That was promising and gave Carlton the nerve he needed to hold the base of Spencer’s dick in his hand and slowly lower his mouth down the length. 

 

“Jesus, Lassie.”

 

Carlton wasn’t too surprised by Spencer’s reaction. He knew firsthand how good it felt to have someone’s mouth on you like that. He was more surprised by _his_ reaction to this. He thought that was going to just be something that he did for Spencer. He didn’t mind that. It hadn’t been the worst thing in the world when he had done it before.

 

Now though? Now he wanted to get as much of Spencer in his mouth as he could. He had the taste of Spencer on his tongue and he wanted more. 

 

He groaned around Spencer, shifted, and came, letting his mouth sink even further down Spencer’s length. Spencer came, Carlton’s name on his lips. Carlton stayed where he was, greedily drinking every drop of come and then licking Spencer clean.

 

He nuzzled at Spencer while he waited for Spencer to catch his breath. Spencer’s hand, which had still been resting on his head, tugged at his hair and pulled Carlton up to him. 

 

“Just give me another minute Lassie and I can take care of you.”

 

“No need.”

 

Spencer looked down and could see that Carlton was no longer hard.

 

“Guess it’s not as bad as you remember.”

 

Carlton didn’t say anything.

 

Spencer reached out a hand a cupped Carlton’s cheek. “Carlton?”

 

Carlton didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure what had just happened and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

 

“It’s okay, Carlton.” He pulled Carlton in for a kiss.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked.

 

Carlton’s breath hitched. He didn’t know. He buried his face in Spencer’s neck instead, stroking his fingers along Spencer’s stomach. Spencer wrapped his arms around him and didn’t say a word. Times like these he was incredibly grateful that Spencer was able to keep quiet around him.

 

“I wasn’t expecting that,” Carlton finally admitted.

 

“I gathered that.”

 

“Shawn,” he started, but then stopped. Once again he didn’t know what to say. 

 

“You’re going to want to do that a lot, aren’t you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You realize I’m completely okay with that, right?”

 

Carlton snorted. “I would hope so.”

 

Spencer kissed the top of his head. “Get some sleep, Lassie. And don’t worry about it. I don’t know why it’s bothering you so much but it shouldn’t. There’s nothing wrong with liking that so much.”

 

Carlton knew that Spencer was right and that he needed to stop worrying about it. 

 

“Are you going to be able to nap, Lassie?”

 

Carlton let out a sigh. “No, I don’t think so.”

 

Spencer pushed Carlton onto his back and rolled on top of him. He leaned down and kissed him. Carlton wrapped his arms around Spencer, pulling him closer. 

 

Carlton relaxed and sank into the mattress and Spencer continued kissing him sweetly. Even when Spencer had calmed down around Carlton, Carlton could never have imagined Spencer being this sweet or loving. And that Carlton was on the receiving end was nothing short of extraordinary. It made him feel special. He hadn’t felt that in a long time.

 

*****

 

They had been fooling around for weeks now, exploring each other’s bodies thoroughly. Mostly anyway. They had yet to have anal sex. Actually, there had been no anal play of any kind at all. 

 

Carlton hadn’t minded taking things slow, but for the past couple of days the urge to bury himself inside of Spencer had been strong. They hadn’t broached the subject and Carlton wasn’t sure what the best way to do it would be.

 

Spencer’s dick was in his mouth now, much as it had been for the past few weeks. Carlton had lost count of how many times he had done this and would probably be shocked if he knew just how much the amount was of Spencer’s come that he had swallowed. He did this every opportunity he could. Not that Spencer was complaining. 

 

One of Carlton’s hands slipped between Spencer’s legs. He brushed a finger against Spencer’s hole to gauge his reaction. Spencer tensed but immediately relaxed and let his legs fall open. 

 

“Yes,” he groaned, shoving the tube of lube down to Carlton. 

 

Carlton opened the lube and squirted some on his fingers, all without letting Spencer slip out of his mouth. He circled a now well lubed finger around Spencer’s hole before finally pushing the tip in. Slowly he eased the finger into Spencer, working it in and out, letting Spencer adjust and relax before pushing in a second finger. He paused when he heard Spencer hiss in pain. 

 

He pulled off of Spencer. “Are you okay?”

 

“I’ll be fine. Just keep moving.”

 

He watched Spencer as he continued working his fingers in and out of him. He watched as Spencer’s face relaxed with pleasure. Carlton crooked his fingers, hoping he could find that one spot that would give Spencer pleasure. He knew he had found it when Spencer groaned and fisted his hands in the sheets.

 

“Do that again, Lassie.”

 

Carlton did a couple of more times before pushing in a third finger. Once again he paused and waited for Spencer to relax before moving his fingers again. When Carlton felt that Spencer was stretched enough, he pulled his fingers out and then slicked himself up. 

 

He buried himself in Spencer just like he had been wanting to, pausing when he was fully seated in Spencer to give him time to adjust. Spencer wrapped his legs around Carlton and told him to move. Part of the reason he had stopped hadn’t been just for allowing Spencer time to adjust though. 

 

“Just give me a minute.”

 

Spencer ran his hands along Carlton’s back until Carlton felt like he could move without coming immediately. He moved slowly, enjoying the sensation of being inside of Spencer and enjoying the look of pure bliss on Spencer’s face.

 

He positioned himself so that he could prop himself up with one arm and reach between them to stroke Spencer. He needed Spencer to come because he was on the edge and he didn’t know how long he was going to last. 

 

Finally Spencer came, digging his fingers into Carlton’s shoulders. That was all Carlton needed before he was coming inside of Spencer. 

 

He pulled out of Spencer and collapsed onto the bed next to him. Spencer rolled onto his side and curled up around Carlton. 

 

“That was amazing.”

 

Carlton grunted in agreement.

 

“We should definitely do that again some time.”

 

Carlton grunted again.

 

“You just rest, Lassie. We can talk later.”

 

Carlton didn’t bother grunting that time. Spencer was right. That had been really amazing and he definitely wanted to do it again. Whatever awkwardness there had been at the beginning was gone now. 

 

Carlton wrapped his arms around Spencer and fell asleep, a smile on his face.

 

*****

Carlton was on his stomach, Spencer straddling him and massaging his back. For all the sex they had been having, Carlton had yet to bottom. That was about to change though, and Spencer was really working him up to it.

 

Spencer’s hands drifted lower. He heard Spencer open the lube and then felt the cool press of Spencer’s lubed finger pressing into him. It stung a bit but it went in easily enough. Spencer worked it in and out of him the same way Carlton had done to him the first time. He pushed a second finger in and this time there was definite burn. He hissed in pain and Spencer leaned down and kissed his shoulders. He let Carlton get used to the fingers inside of him and then he started moving them. Carlton moved back against Spencer’s fingers with a groan.

 

“More?”

 

“Oh God, yes.”

 

Spencer chuckled but crooked his fingers and Carlton saw stars. Spencer did it again and Carlton pushed back against him.

 

“As much as I love that and want you to do that again, I think I might come if you do.”

 

Spencer stopped moving his fingers. “Seriously?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay. Roll over then.”

 

Carlton complied and watched as Spencer lubed himself up. He wasn’t nervous. He wasn’t worried. He was excited. He wanted this. 

 

Spencer eased into him. It hurt more than his fingers had, but it felt even better too. 

 

Spencer began moving slowly and Carlton pulled his knees back to his chest, trying to get Spencer as deep as he could.

 

“Jesus, Lassie.”

 

Carlton would have said something but Spencer hit his sweet spot and all he could manage was a groan.

 

“This is seriously hot, Lassie.”

 

“Shawn, just shut up and move faster.”

 

Spencer laughed, but did what Carlton wanted. 

 

It didn’t take him long to come, and he did come without either of them touching him. Spencer collapsed on top of him and Carlton didn’t have it in him to tell him to move.

 

“We have got to do that again, Lassie.”

 

Carlton just grunted. Spencer moved off of him and Carlton watched him walk off. He came back with a damp cloth and cleaned Carlton up. He tossed the cloth to the floor when he had finished. 

 

“Spencer.”

 

“Relax, Lassie. It’s not the end of the world.”

 

Carlton let out a sigh and rolled onto his side so he could wrap an arm around Spencer. Sleep came easily.

 

He woke up to Spencer nuzzling at the back of his neck. “It’s early, Spencer.”

 

Spencer bit down on the back of his neck gently. “I know. Plenty of time to have fun before you have to go to work.” One of Spencer’s hands trailed down his body and teased at his hole. “Are you okay to go again?” He pushed the tip of his finger in and Carlton groaned. “Yes. Please.”

 

Spencer grabbed the lube and pushed a couple of fingers into him. It was slower this morning and the angle was perfect this way. Spencer reached around to stroke him even though he wouldn’t need it. 

 

His orgasm left him more relaxed than the one last night had. He was loose limbed and happy. He kind of didn’t want to go to work, but it wasn’t as if he could call into work with good sex as an excuse. 

 

He dropped Spencer off at the Psych office and headed into work. He was only there for a few hours when Spencer and Guster showed up. O’Hara pulled the two of them aside and they spoke together in hushed tones, glancing up at Carlton every so often. Finally they headed over to him.

 

“Lassie, Jules here tells me that you’re scaring everyone in the station by smiling and being generally happy.”

 

Carlton glared at them. “And what if I am?”

 

Spencer shook his head. “A happy Lassie is a scary Lassie.”

 

“Carlton, are you seeing someone?” O’Hara asked.

 

Carlton smiled up at her. “You know what, O’Hara? I am seeing someone.” 

 

O’Hara’s jaw dropped. “Why didn’t you say anything? How long? Who is she?”

 

“It hasn’t been that long and I’m not really comfortable talking about it yet. I’d like to keep their identity to myself for now.”

 

“Of course, Carlton, but you are happy, right?”

 

“I thought that was obvious since I am apparently scaring the entire station by smiling and being nice. Now go away. I have work to do.” 

 

O’Hara and Guster walked away but Spencer followed him back to his desk. 

 

“You should try and come home early, Lassie,” Spencer leaned in and whispered to him.

 

“And why is that, Spencer?”

 

“You like bottoming so much that there’s something I want to try.”

 

“Spencer, I don’t have time for this. If you want to try something new we can discuss it when I get home.”

 

Spencer smirked at him, leaned in closer and lowered his voice even more. He then proceeded to tell Carlton in detail exactly what he wanted to do to him. Carlton surreptitiously maneuvered the folders he was holding so they covered his lap.

 

“You know, Spencer, I think it’s time for my lunch break now. I might be persuaded to go home now and maybe take some extra time.”

 

Spencer grinned at him and walked off. Carlton waited until he could walk out of the station normally and drove as fast as he dared to the condo. Spencer was already naked in bed, waiting for him. Carlton stripped out of his clothes and joined him.

 

Spencer laughed. “Wow, Lassie. Not even going to take the time to lay your clothes out all nice and neat since you have to put them on again.”

 

He didn’t answer Spencer. He just crawled into bed with him and started kissing him. 

 

“You should roll onto your stomach, Lassie.” 

 

Carlton did as Spencer said and Spencer’s hands drifted down his body and Carlton felt a warm puff of air against his hole. He groaned in anticipation. 

 

There was a tentative lick and boy had Spencer been right about how much he would like this. He let out a groan and Spencer spread his cheeks and began licking in earnest. Spencer’s mouth always felt incredible wrapped around his dick but he had honestly never thought about Spencer doing this to him. If he had, he would never have imagined that it would feel this good. 

 

He fisted his hands into the sheets as the tip of Spencer’s tongue breached him. “Shawn,” he groaned. “Mm,” Spencer replied, the vibrations making Carlton’s breath hitch. 

 

He pushed back into Spencer, not caring that he was begging. He was rewarded when Spencer pushed a spit soaked finger into him. It wasn’t easy without adequate lube, but Carlton just breathed through it, grateful that he did when Spencer’s tongue replaced his finger, pushing in deeper this time now that Spencer had loosened the muscle. 

 

Carlton was near coming when Spencer pulled away. Before he could protest Spencer was pushing a well lubed finger into him. It was easier to take this time and Carlton would have gladly begged for a second finger if Spencer hadn’t already pushed a second one in.

 

He moved himself back against Spencer’s fingers. Spencer crooked his fingers and Carlton let out a long, low groan. “Shawn,” he begged.

 

“Easy, Lassie. I got you.” Spencer pulled his fingers out and maneuvered Carlton so that he was lying on his back. Carlton watched as Spencer slicked himself up and then settled between Carlton’s legs.

 

Spencer didn’t go easy on him. He was buried inside of him in one smooth motion. He didn’t move, giving Carlton time to adjust, but Carlton didn’t want that. “Move, Shawn. Please.”

 

Spencer smiled at him and began to move, a slow, steady thrusting. What Spencer was always so good at at work he was also good at in bed. He remembered the exact position he needed so that he could hit Carlton’s sweet spot.

 

“Right there, Spencer. Right there.” Carlton groaned and gripped Spencer’s shoulders tightly, fingernails digging into his skin. “Shawn,” he panted.

 

Spencer leaned down and kissed and nipped at his neck, nothing that would leave a mark. He moved one of his hands and ran his fingers through Spencer’s hair. 

 

“Shawn.”

 

Carlton came and saw stars. He was barely aware of Spencer coming inside of him. He wrapped his arms around Spencer, who had collapsed on top of him. Spencer’s breath whooshed past his ear, and he was kind of heavy just laying on top of him like this. He didn’t care though. He was warm and happy and sated. There was a smile on his face, which Spencer was now busy kissing the corners of. 

 

Carlton poked at Spencer’s side. “You’re heavy. Get off.”

 

Spencer laughed and rolled off of him. “And you really like bottoming.”

 

“Mm,” Carlton agreed. Spencer got off the bed and came back with a damp cloth. He cleaned up Carlton as best as he could and then left again. When he came back he tugged at Carlton, pulling him off the bed.

 

“You have to get back to work, Lassie. You can’t stay here.”

 

Carlton let out a groan. “This may not have been the wisest decision ever.”

 

“You’ll be fine, Lassie. You’ll go to work. You can scare a few people. And then you can come home to me.”

 

Carlton put his clothes on and gave Spencer a kiss. “No more midday sex.”

 

Spencer smiled. “Okay. No more sex when you have to go back to work.”

 

Carlton nodded and headed off. The rest of the day went by quickly and Carlton spent it in kind of a daze. He definitely couldn’t have sex with Spencer in the middle of the day anymore.

 

Spencer had dinner ready when Carlton got home.

 

“I didn’t mention earlier because of the sex and all, but Jules wanted me to find out who you’re seeing. She found it odd when I told her I wouldn’t do it. I didn’t know what else to do though.”

 

Carlton kissed his cheek. “I’ll try and act more normally at work. Maybe she’ll drop the subject then.”

 

“We are going to tell her at some point, right?”

 

Carlton gave him a squeeze. “Of course we will. I’m just not ready yet and I don’t think you are either.”

 

Spencer turned around in his arms. “Actually I wouldn’t mind telling everyone.”

 

“Really?” Carlton was surprised to hear that.

 

Spencer shrugged. “I’m not ashamed of you, Lassie.”

 

“That’s not what I meant. I just figured you would want to keep this private for a while. With everything that you’ve been through, with the changes you’ve been through, I thought you wouldn’t want to be center of attention. Not for this anyway, especially since you haven’t really wanted to be the center of attention lately.”

 

“It doesn’t matter, Lassie. I don’t mind hiding this for you for a while. I know you like to keep your personal life personal.”

 

“Are you sure it’s okay?”

 

“Carlton, it’s fine.”

 

“Okay. It won’t be for much longer. I promise.”

 

Spencer leaned in and kissed him. “It’s okay. Really.”

 

Carlton smiled at him. “Thanks.”

 

*****

Carlton didn’t think he could move. Carlton didn’t think he would ever be able to move again. 

 

“You came from just my tongue in your ass.”

 

Carlton sighed. “Yes I did. Do you have to be so vulgar about it?”

 

Spencer laughed. “I’m pretty sure what I just did was vulgar and you’re worried about my language?”

 

“Can’t you ever be quiet after sex?”

 

“I’m always quiet after sex. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

Carlton sighed again. “You know, I wish there was something I could do for you like how you do the rimming for me. Something that’s purely for you.”

 

“What about the blow jobs. You do love giving those. And it’s not like I don’t enjoy them.”

 

“Except those are for me too. I want to do something for you that is just for you. Isn’t there anything?”

 

Spencer stayed quiet for so long that Carlton started to worry.

 

“Carlton, there is something.”

 

Spencer looked oddly nervous.

 

“It’s not something sexual though. I mean it can be, but that’s not what I want it for.”

 

Carlton had an idea about what Spencer wanted. It was something he had thought of himself, but it was something that he wanted Spencer to ask for on his own.

 

“I want you to dominate me.” Spencer laughed. “Wow. That sounds terrible. I think I should explain that.”

 

“You want me to put you down into subspace to help clear your head.”

 

Spencer’s eyes widened. “You’ve thought about this?”

 

“I thought about it before it was appropriate to even bring it up.”

 

“So this means you’re willing to try this.”

 

“I don’t know what I’m doing though.”

 

“It’s something I’ve looked into before. There’s nobody I wanted to ask to do it for me. There wasn’t at least. There are classes we can go to.”

 

“Okay. Find out when the next one is and we can go.”

 

Spencer pounced on him.

 

*****

 

Class was interesting. Carlton had to pretend that there was nobody else in the classroom with him and Spencer to be comfortable enough to even pay attention though.

 

Shawn.

 

If he was going to do this for Shawn then that’s what he needed to start thinking of him as all the time.

 

Shawn, apparently, could settle into subspace quite easily with Carlton. After a few missteps, Carlton had Shawn in subspace. And while he was down, he was able to follow commands easily.

 

The instructor told them that with practice he could have Shawn asleep with just a few words. They had that much trust between them and Shawn wanted it that much.

 

Carlton was so happy by this revelation. This was something he could do for Shawn. Maybe this would help Shawn sleep better. Maybe Shawn’s nightmares would be fewer and far between. Carlton certainly hoped so.

 

He finally had a way he could help Shawn.

 

***

 

They decided together what the best way to go about things was for them. They went shopping together for a collar for Shawn.

 

They came up with a few rules too. The collar was never to be used for anything sexual. Shawn wasn’t allowed to talk while he was wearing the collar.

 

That was really all. The point of putting Shawn in the collar was to keep him from thinking so when Shawn was wearing the collar, Carlton would make all of the decisions for him. Shawn was putting a lot of trust in Carlton. 

 

Carlton understood the significance of that, and the fact that Shawn had never had that kind of trust in anyone else before. That spoke volumes of their relationship.

 

Things between them were good. They were very good.

 

*****

Carlton did not want to go home and face Shawn. Not with this news. Shawn wasn’t going to like it. Carlton didn’t like it either but he didn’t have a choice. Chief Vick was making him go to the conference. It wasn’t like he could tell her that he couldn’t go because Shawn wouldn’t sleep for the entire time that he was gone. He couldn’t get Shawn to go with him either because the Chief wanted him for a case while Carlton was out of town. 

 

He delayed going home for as long as possible. If he stayed for too much longer Shawn would start to worry and Carlton didn’t want that either. He thought about what he would say to Shawn the entire drive home. It didn’t matter what he said though. He would be leaving Shawn for three nights. That would be three whole nights that Shawn wouldn’t get any sleep. 

 

It was probably time they started working on that. Shawn needed to be able to sleep when he wasn’t around, but he couldn’t bring himself to force Shawn into getting any kind of professional help. They had been doing well on their own. Shawn’s nightmares were less frequent than when Shawn had first shown up at his place. They would work on the sleep thing at some point. Maybe this separation would help. Maybe they could use Shawn’s collar to help.

 

Shawn was dozing, the best he could do when Carlton wasn’t around, in front of the television when Carlton got home. Carlton smiled at Shawn and leaned down and kissed him. Shawn grinned up at him and pulled him down onto the couch with him. Carlton laughed and let Shawn pull him in for a kiss. He cut it off before they could get too far though.

 

“Shawn, there’s something I need to tell you.”

 

Shawn frowned at him. He hated when Shawn frowned. He hated it worse when Shawn frowned because of him. “Chief Vick is sending me to a conference. I can’t get out of it and I can’t take you with me because she has a case for you to work.”

 

Shawn’s shoulders slumped and he slouched back in the couch. 

 

“I’m sorry. If I could get out of it I would.”

 

“No, I know. It’s not your fault. When do you leave?”

 

Carlton pulled Shawn to him and kissed the top of his head. “A few days.”

 

“Isn’t that the same few days my mom is going to be in town?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Shawn sighed and curled into Carlton. “Maybe I’ll have her stay here with me. I still won’t get any sleep but at least I won’t be here alone.”

 

“I’m really sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help.”

 

Shawn nosed at his ear. “You’ll call, right?”

 

“Every night.”

 

“There isn’t anything you can do, Lassie. I’ll just have to drink lots of caffeine and eat lots of sugar. And then I’ll crash for like a week once you get back.” Shawn stood up and tugged Carlton with him. “Let’s go to bed, Lassie.” Carlton gladly followed him into the bedroom.

 

*****

 

It was only his second night here and Carlton was missing Shawn like he never thought possible. He pulled out his cell phone to call Shawn. He had called Shawn last night and he would call Shawn again tomorrow night.

 

“Hey you,” Shawn answered.

 

“How are you holding up?”

 

“I’m exhausted.”

 

“Have you tried sleeping at all?”

 

“I lay down and try but it never works. So I usually just pull out a book and read. I don’t think my mom has noticed. Thankfully.”

 

“I’ll be back soon.”

 

“Not soon enough. I miss you.”

 

Carlton smiled. “I miss you too.”

 

“I’m alone in our room, you know. And my mom is asleep.”

 

Carlton chuckled. “I am not having phone sex with you, Shawn.”

 

“You are such a buzz kill.”

 

“Shawn.”

 

“I’m kidding, Lassie. I’d rather have you here anyway.”

 

“I’d rather be there too. You know that.”

 

“I wish you were coming home tomorrow.”

 

“I can’t come home but I can try and make time during the day to call you.”

 

“That’s better than nothing.”

 

“Try and get some sleep, Shawn.”

 

“Night, Lassie.”

 

“Goodnight, Shawn.”

 

*****

 

Carlton was glad to be back in Santa Barbara. He was glad to be getting back to Shawn. Three nights away and he had missed Shawn so much.

 

He opened the door and Shawn actually ran and greeted him at the door, throwing his arms around Carlton and practically knocking them to the floor. Shawn’s mother followed at a slower place. She had her bags in hand. She was clearly ready to leave. “Dr. Spencer,” he acknowledged. 

 

“Carlton, please, call me Maddy.”

 

“Maddy. Would you like to have dinner with us tonight?”

 

“I can’t. I’m already having dinner with Henry and, from what I understand, Henry isn’t exactly your biggest supporter.”

 

“I’m surprised you’re actually okay with this, Mom. Especially since you did Lassie’s psych evaluation.”

 

Carlton glared at Shawn but his mother just smiled. “Goose, what exactly do you think I would find if I did a psych evaluation for you? Don’t think that I don’t know you haven’t slept since I got here. And you don’t forget anything and you see so much more than most people do. You don’t deal with tough situations. You used to joke your way around them. You haven’t since you moved in with Carlton. Do you honestly think you wouldn’t have gone back to that? Carlton has been good for you. And Carlton has been more relaxed and even nicer to everyone at the station. You’ve been good for him.”

 

“Shawn, I’d like a word alone with your mother.”

 

“Lassie.”

 

“Don’t worry. I’ll be nice. I just need to talk to her.”

 

Shawn said goodbye to his mother and headed for the bedroom.

 

“I just wanted to make sure you actually felt that way.”

 

“I do. It’s certainly a relationship that most would think wouldn’t work, but it does.”

 

Carlton nodded but didn’t say anything.

 

“I know you don’t like me, Carlton.”

 

It was true. He liked her better than Henry, but she could have stopped Henry from raising Shawn the way that he did. Without her, though, Shawn would have been a completely different person.

 

“You’re better than Henry,” he said honestly.

 

“I know you don’t approve of the way Henry raised Shawn, and I know you blame me as well. You don’t have to make the same mistakes that Henry and I did though.”

 

“What?”

 

“If you and Shawn decide to have kids. I know you would have loved to have grown up with a detective as a father the way that Shawn had, but you know better now. You can make things better when you have your own.”

 

“Don’t be a stranger, Maddy. I know Shawn likes having you around.”

 

“Take good care of him for me, Carlton.”

 

“I will.”

 

She left and Carlton headed back to the bedroom to Shawn. Shawn was already in his pajamas and in bed. Carlton changed and climbed into bed with him.

 

“Did you get any sleep at all?”

 

“Dunno,” Shawn mumbled. “Maybe an hour?”

 

“A night?” Carlton asked.

 

“Total,” was the reply before Shawn fell asleep. He grabbed a book from his nightstand and got comfortable. It was too early for him to sleep but he needed to be here for Shawn to sleep.

 

He didn’t normally read anything that wasn’t war related, but since he had started spending more time with Shawn and since Shawn didn’t feel the need to fill every moment with inane chatter anymore, Carlton had added a wider variety of books to his repertoire, mostly at Shawn’s insistence. 

 

Shawn curled closer to Carlton in his sleep, slinging an arm around Carlton’s waist. Carlton smiled and ran his fingers through Shawn’s hair. It was ridiculous to say, but Shawn brought out the best in him. He was also pretty sure that he was in love with Shawn. _That_ seemed ridiculous when he thought of how he and Shawn had first gotten along when Shawn had started his psychic bit. 

 

Here he was though. He felt like a completely different person. Shawn felt like a completely different person. They weren’t though. They had grown, yes, but that was all there was to it. They were still the same people. 

 

Shawn sighed in his sleep and buried his face further into Carlton’s hip. Carlton continued running his fingers through Shawn’s hair, but he refocused his attention back to his book. He would tell Shawn that he loved him, but that could wait for a day when Shawn would actually be awake enough to remember it.

 

*****

 

It was strange to be introducing Shawn as his boyfriend to his little sister. Carlton didn’t feel comfortable enough letting his mother know just yet, despite the fact that she was in a same sex relationship herself, but he wanted his sister to know, and he knew that Shawn wanted her to know as well. Carlton wanted her support in this. She had never been too fond of Victoria and maybe he should have trusted her instinct on that. He shouldn’t have bothered worrying though. The first question she had asked was whether or not he was happy, and when he told her that he was, the rest of the questions were about how they got together and even more personal, and more embarrassing, questions. 

 

Shawn and Lauren had gotten along well before, because apparently everyone could get along with Shawn, but it was different this time. It was as if Lauren had immediately accepted Shawn as family. They were behaving like siblings. Carlton was strangely okay with that. 

 

They teased each other throughout dinner and had conversations that Carlton was going to pretend he never heard. They teased Carlton together, but Carlton just rolled his eyes and told them they were children. 

 

At home, Shawn and Lauren stayed up to watch a movie while Carlton retreated to the bedroom. He could hear Shawn and Lauren out there laughing. He should probably be out there with them, but in all honesty he kind of wanted the two of them to bond. 

 

He fell asleep waiting for Shawn to come to bed. 

 

It was late when he felt the bed dip with Shawn’s weight. Carlton had barely let Shawn get into bed before he was pulling him into his arms. Shawn chuckled quietly. “Aw, did you think that I forgot about you, Lassie?”

 

Carlton huffed but didn’t say anything. 

 

“It’s just that Gus has always been like a brother to me and now Lauren…” Shawn trailed off. 

 

“It’s okay, Shawn. I get it. And for what it’s worth, I’m happy that the two of you are getting along so well. You’re already acting like brother and sister.”

 

Shawn kissed his cheek. “How do you think things got serious so fast?”

 

“I don’t know. What I do know is that I love you.” Carlton hadn’t said it yet. He’d been meaning to for a while, but he had been waiting for what felt like the right time, and that had felt like the right time. 

 

“I love you too,” Shawn whispered, rolling on top of him. Shawn kissed him and let one of his hands wander down Carlton’s body. Carlton grabbed it before it could wander any further. “Not going to happen, Shawn. We are not having sex while my sister is here.”

 

Shawn rolled off of him and pouted. “You’re so mean. You tell me you love me and then you don’t let me do anything about it. That’s so not fair.”

 

Carlton snorted. “I’m sure you’ll survive.”

 

Shawn pouted some more, but didn’t protest when Carlton pulled him into his arms. Shawn leaned in to kiss him. The kisses were warm and lazy, exactly how Carlton was feeling in that moment. 

 

*****

Carlton pulled up in front of the Spencer house with a sigh. Henry had made his feelings about Carlton’s relationship with Shawn very clear. It was like walking into the lion’s den. Shawn had this thing about the two of them getting along even though Shawn didn’t really like his father all that much either.

 

Guster opened the door for him. Somehow that didn’t really surprise him. Henry was cooking and Shawn was sprawled out on the couch. Carlton plopped down next to him and gave him a peck on the lips before handing him the folder that he had carried in.

 

“Ooh, a cold case that needs solving. I have the best boyfriend ever.”

 

Carlton rolled his eyes. “I’ve been working on it for a while now but I just can’t seem to get it.”

 

Shawn had been helping him hone his skills. Together they had been working to solve cold cases. He had needed more of Shawn’s help at the beginning, but he had slowly begun to work through them on his own. He couldn’t crack this one and a part of him did still feel shame for needing to ask for Shawn’s help. He was trying to not let it bother him. Usually it didn’t. Sometimes he just couldn’t help it.

 

Shawn read quickly through the large file. “Got it,” he announced when he had finished.

 

Carlton let out a huff. “Of course you did.”

 

Shawn set the file down on the couch and wrapped his arms around Carlton, giving him a squeeze. “We’ll go over it later.”

 

“Go over what?” Henry asked as he walked into the room. Shawn grimaced like he knew what was coming.

 

“Oh, is that a case that Lassiter can’t solve?” Henry smirked. Carlton looked over at Shawn, wondering if he had said anything.

 

“Oh yeah. Don’t think I didn’t know that Shawn here has been teaching you what I taught him. You should be thanking me.”

 

He felt Shawn tense next to him.

 

“Thanking you?! You think I should be thanking you?” Carlton would have continued but Shawn put a hand on his shoulder, silently asking him to stop.

 

Carlton sighed and shook his head. He should never have come. It was hard to say no to Shawn though. At least when it was something to do with their personal lives.

 

“I can’t do this. I’m sorry, Shawn.” He picked up his file and walked out of the house. 

 

He had barely thrown himself onto the bed when Shawn walked in. Guster must have driven him home almost immediately after Carlton had stormed out. 

 

“You shouldn’t let him get to you.”

 

“I know I shouldn’t. But he always makes me feel like I’m the dumbest person on the planet.”

 

“My father does have a way about him.”

 

Shawn climbed onto the bed and curled up next to him. “You shouldn’t feel bad about needing help. We all need help. Even I can’t solve all these cases on my own.”

 

Carlton scrubbed a hand over his face and got up from the bed. Shawn immediately got up with him.

 

“Carlton, you’ve been really stressed lately and I know it has nothing to do with work. What’s bugging you?”

 

“It’s nothing, Shawn.”

 

“It’s not nothing. And if doesn’t have anything to do with work then it has something to do with me. Why won’t you talk to me?”

 

Carlton laughed. “Because they’re my issues, Shawn. These are things that I have to deal with. Not you.” He walked off and went to the kitchen so he could pour himself some whiskey. With that done he sat down on the couch and put the television on. There were some reruns of _Cops_ on. Something he could do while he was avoiding Shawn.

 

It was of course then that Shawn walked in. He ran his fingers through Carlton’s hair and kissed his temple. “I’ll be here when you want to talk.”

 

Shawn left, leaving Carlton alone with his thoughts and his misery. He had been stressed lately. He had been stressed about his relationship with Shawn. He was still stressed about his relationship with Shawn.

 

He remembered how hard it had been to accept help from Shawn at the beginning. He was so used to Shawn teasing him and giving him a hard time. It was hard to get over. 

 

Gradually he had learned to accept help from Shawn, though sometimes it still bothered him that it was something he needed to do. That was something Carlton had to get over. Shawn was better than he was. That’s all there was to it. 

 

That wasn’t even really the big issue. He was dealing with Shawn being better than him just fine. They even sometimes worked on cases the way that they used to, just to get a little friendly competition going and to keep them on their toes. Shawn liked to tell him it helped keep the spark in their relationship. Carlton tended to agree.

 

No, the real problem was that sometimes he still had doubts about how serious Shawn was about him. In the time that Carlton had known him, Shawn had already been through two fairly serious relationships. Carlton was the third. How could he trust that Shawn wasn’t going to run?

 

It was a doubt he’d had when first deciding to even start a relationship with Shawn, but he had managed to forget it for a while. It was only recently that it had started bothering him again. Mostly because Carlton was gone. He was completely head over heels in love. He wasn’t quite sure how he had gotten to this point.

 

He knew things were different with him and Shawn. He knew that what they had was stronger than whatever Shawn had shared with O’Hara. Shawn didn’t have to lie around him. He could be himself. And in return Carlton got to be himself as well.

 

It was a good relationship, one that was built on trust, but Shawn was known to run. Shawn was known to shy away from commitment. 

 

The problem with that theory is that they had been living together before this relationship had started and they were still living together. And it hadn’t been a hard adjustment. Sure they had their arguments, but at the end of the day Carlton wanted Shawn in his bed and by his side.

 

On the contrary, Shawn _needed_ Carlton in his bed and Carlton didn’t know if that had anything to do with why Shawn wanted to be with him. It was an awful thing to think, he knew that. Shawn might have come to him broken, but he was still Shawn. If he didn’t want to be with Carlton, if he needed to get away from Carlton, he would find a way to make it work. He wouldn’t let a silly thing like sleep stop him.

 

Shawn had shown him nothing but love since they had started this relationship. Even before that, Shawn’s attitude towards him had changed. Which also made Carlton worry that Shawn only wanted him because Carlton had taken him in when Shawn had needed it most.

 

There was so much about this relationship that made Carlton wonder. There was so much about this relationship that shouldn’t work.

 

It did work though. Whatever the two of them had together, it worked. Carlton was happier. Shawn was happier. Even Guster had told Carlton that Shawn was serious about him. Even Guster had seen the difference in Shawn.

 

Carlton shut off the television and put his glass away. He changed into his pajamas and crawled into bed next to Shawn. Shawn wrapped his arms around him but didn’t say anything. He had meant it when he said he would be there if Carlton wanted to talk. He wouldn’t push him again.

 

Carlton fell into an uneasy sleep.

 

***

 

In the morning, Shawn was out of bed before he was. He was about to get out of bed himself when Shawn showed up with a tray of food.

 

“Breakfast in bed? I know I haven’t done anything to deserve this.”

 

Shawn shrugged. “I know you’re having a hard time with things. I thought it would be something nice to do. I also have an idea for this weekend, but that can wait until you finish your food.”

 

Shawn handed Carlton the tray and then got into bed with him. They ate quietly, and Carlton was feeling guilty over his freaking out about his relationship with Shawn. Except Shawn knew that though and was trying to show Carlton that he cared for him. It could still all be a game.

 

“Okay, Lassie, there is just way too much thinking going on in that head of yours. I think it’s time you hear my idea for the weekend.”

 

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to think things like I do.”

 

“You are very insecure, Lassie. I don’t really know how to fix that. I’m not going to run off on you. I’m not going to leave you. And this weekend you are going to take me away. We are going to drive down to San Diego today and spend the day at the zoo and then we will either stay the night there or in LA because tomorrow we’re spending the day in LA, particularly the Santa Monica Pier.”

 

“The zoo?”

 

“I bet you’ve never been. It’ll be fun, Lassie. And it’ll be nice to spend some time together away from here.”

 

Carlton couldn’t disagree with that. He needed to get away from here. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

 

Shawn jumped out of bed and started packing for the night. Carlton got out of bed much more slowly and took care of the dishes before he finally started packing.

 

It was still pretty early in the morning, which was great because by the time they finally got down to San Diego and to the zoo, he realized that they would need all the time they could get. He had known that the zoo was big, but he hadn’t realized that it was so _huge_. A person would need two days here to fully explore it.

 

Shawn was bouncing around like a child. Carlton smiled. It was always nice to see a bit of the old Shawn shining through even though it was a part of Shawn he once couldn’t stand.

 

Carlton held out his hand for Shawn to take. Shawn laced their fingers together and they headed into the zoo.

 

They spent the day walking around. They made it through the majority of the zoo. They had dinner at a restaurant overlooking the ocean. They held hands across the table as they watched the sun set over the ocean.

 

Carlton found them a hotel in San Diego for the night. They made love until the early hours of the morning.

 

They woke late in the morning, had breakfast in bed, and left for Los Angeles. They played games on the pier and had a late lunch of hotdogs and fries. They held hands as they walked along the shoreline with the setting sun. 

 

It was nice. Such a perfect ending to a wonderful weekend. He almost didn’t want to go home. They had to though.

 

The drive to Santa Barbara was silent. He knew that Shawn hated the idea of going back just as much as Carlton did. 

 

They got ready for bed and climbed in together, Shawn pulling Carlton into his arms. “Did you enjoy this weekend?”

 

“You know I did.”

 

“Do you believe that this is different than what I had with Jules?”

 

“I just worry. You were in love with O’Hara and then you just walked out on her. What’s to stop you from doing that to me?”

 

“Nothing. That’s just a chance that you have to take.”

 

“I know. And I am. I’m sorry I keep comparing the relationships. I really am. I just can’t seem to help it.”

 

“I know. You just need to know that I love you. I just need you to remember that.”

 

Carlton nuzzled at Shawn’s neck, causing him to chuckle.

 

“I love when you’re affectionate like this.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah. I think you should be like this more often.”

 

Carlton laughed softly against Shawn’s neck. “I’ll see what I can do about that.”

 

“See that you do.”

 

Carlton pressed a kiss to Shawn’s neck. “Get some sleep. It’s back to the real world tomorrow.”

 

*****

They were pressed up against each other on the couch. Shawn had some television show on but Carlton wasn’t paying attention. He had been stupid enough to let his thoughts wander and for the past half hour at least all he had been able to think about was getting on his knees and sucking Shawn off.

 

Carlton shifted and sighed and caught Shawn’s attention. “You okay, Lassie?”

 

“I’m fine. I just…”

 

Shawn waited for him to finish but Carlton didn’t. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Shawn. There was nothing different about him today. He was dressed in a pair of track pants and a ratty old t-shirt.

 

Shawn didn’t care that Carlton had developed a bit of an oral fixation. Shawn wasn’t going to tease him about it. And Shawn certainly wasn’t to complain whenever Carlton felt the need to get to his knees. 

 

With a sigh Carlton dropped from the couch to the floor and pulled Shawn’s pants and briefs down, tugging Shawn to the edge of the couch.

 

“Jesus,” Shawn murmured. He was already getting hard.

 

Carlton leaned down and began licking Shawn. Shawn rested a hand on Carlton’s head. He was patient with Carlton, letting him take his time and savor Shawn with little licks here and there. He loved how Shawn tasted. 

 

Not wanting to tease Shawn for too long, he finally stopped licking him and took Shawn fully into his mouth. He had been doing this a lot lately and he had been working hard to get better at it so that Shawn could enjoy them even more than he did now. He slid Shawn into his mouth until Shawn hit the back of his throat. He held Shawn there and swallowed. 

 

He loved the noises he could get out of Shawn. It made him want to draw it out even longer. So he did.

 

It wasn’t until Shawn was trembling with the need of release that Carlton finally let him come.

 

“Give me a minute and I’ll return the favor,” Shawn managed through labored breathing.

 

“No need.”

 

Shawn chuckled and pulled Carlton up to him. He curled up against Carlton even though his pants were still around his ankles. Carlton laughed and wrapped his arms around Shawn.

 

*****

They still hadn’t gone public with their relationship, so it was a risk to come here during his lunch break, but he could always pass it off as work since this was Shawn’s office. 

 

Carlton walked in and found Shawn watching TV by himself. Guster was nowhere in sight. “Is Guster at his real job or is he picking up lunch?”

 

“He’s at his “real” job.” 

 

Carlton could hear the quotations that Shawn put around the word “real”. He took off his jacket and sat down in the seat next to Shawn.

 

“Did you come here to have lunch with me?” Shawn turned off the television and looked over at him.

 

Carlton shrugged. “Maybe.”

 

“Do you want me to go pick some food up or do you actually want to take me out for a public lunch.”

 

“I actually hadn’t decided yet.”

 

Shawn nodded and waited for Carlton to decide what he wanted to do. 

 

Carlton got up and put his jacket back on. “Come on, Shawn. I’m going to take you out to lunch.”

 

Shawn jumped out of his seat and threw his arms around Carlton. Carlton laughed and hugged him back. “It’s just lunch, Shawn. Relax.”

 

Shawn pouted at him. “Spoil all my fun why don’t you.”

 

Carlton dragged Shawn out to the car and drove them to a restaurant they didn’t frequent in hopes that they wouldn’t run into anyone that they knew. He knew that Shawn knew it wasn’t a restaurant they frequented and that Shawn would know exactly why they were eating here. Thankfully Shawn didn’t say anything. 

 

“Shawn? Carlton?” Carlton bit back a groan at the sight of O’Hara standing in front of them with a guy that he didn’t know. “Are the two of you having lunch? Together?”

 

“I was getting Spencer’s help on a cold case. We’re just taking a break.” Carlton couldn’t ignore the sudden slump in Shawn’s posture. He hated that he did that to Shawn, but he wasn’t ready to tell O’Hara.

 

O’Hara shook her head. “It’s still so strange to see the two of you get along.”

 

“Jules! Are you going to introduce us to your friend?”

 

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. Carlton, Shawn, this is Ryan. My boyfriend.”

 

“Why don’t the two of you join us for lunch?” Ryan asked.

 

“Sure, why not? Come on, Lassie.” Shawn clapped him on the back and then followed O’Hara and Ryan to their table. This was not going to end well.

 

Lunch went well enough, though Carlton wasn’t great at small talk. Shawn excelled in small talk though and Carlton knew that Shawn now had another fan in Ryan.

 

Lunch was ending and Shawn was glued to his phone. When they walked out of the restaurant, Carlton spotted Guster’s car, apparently waiting for Shawn. “I’ll see you later, Lassie. We can work on that case tomorrow.”

 

Carlton watched as Shawn got into the car with Guster and took off. O’Hara stopped and stood beside him. “I thought you two were working a case together?”

 

“Guster had some sort of emergency. It’s no problem. It’s not like the case is going anywhere.”

 

O’Hara nodded. “Okay. Well I guess I’ll see you back at the station then.” O’Hara and Ryan walked off and Carlton was left standing there by himself. 

 

It hurt. He hadn’t felt this much pain since he and Victoria had separated. He had to do something about this. And there was only one thing he could do to fix this.

 

At the end of the day, as O’Hara was leaving, he pulled her aside. “O’Hara, we need to talk. Come have a drink with me.”

 

“Sure,” O’Hara replied skeptically. 

 

After they sat down and ordered their drinks there was silence. For someone who liked to talk O’Hara was very quiet. She was probably just as uncomfortable as he was. 

 

Their drinks arrived and still there was silence. Carlton rolled his eyes. “Go ahead and ask.”

 

“What am I supposed to be asking?”

 

“What you’ve been wanting to ask me. The topic of conversation you’ve been nice enough to avoid, even though I know you’ve been asking Spencer for help. I just want you to know that I had reasons for keeping this from you.”

 

O’Hara beamed at him. “So you’re gonna talk to me about your girlfriend? This is incredible.”

 

Carlton cleared his throat. “Actually I don’t have a girlfriend. There never was a girlfriend.”

 

O’Hara looked at him, confusion written all over her face. “Wait, what?”

 

Carlton downed the scotch he was drinking. “O’Hara, the person in question…” Carlton let out a sigh. “The person in question isn’t actually a female.”

 

O’Hara’s eyes widened. “Are you trying to tell me that you have a boyfriend?”

 

Carlton nodded.

 

“Carlton, I had no idea that you played for the other team as well.”

 

Carlton huffed. “I didn’t really know either.”

 

O’Hara’s smile stretched across her face. She was enjoying this way too much. “So he’s your first then?”

 

“Yes.” Carlton gratefully took a sip of the new glass of scotch the waiter had just set down in front of him. There was a decent chance he was going to go back to Shawn a bit drunk. He wondered if Shawn would be willing to come down here and pick him up after the disastrous lunch that had happened earlier.

 

O’Hara stopped smiling. Carlton was guessing that she had just put the pieces together. She looked at him with something akin to horror on her face and covered her mouth with her hand. She shook her head. “No. No, you aren’t.”

 

“I am. I’m sorry.”

 

She dropped her hand to the table. She looked angry, or at least the closest to angry that he had ever seen. “You’re sleeping with Shawn?”

 

“Yes,” he confirmed. “I know the two of you have a history but I hope this doesn’t affect our partnership.”

 

“You’re who he’s been talking about this entire time.”

 

“He talks about me? Wait, you knew he had a boyfriend?”

 

O’Hara nodded. “I was out with him and Gus and Shawn admitted that he had a boyfriend but that he couldn’t name the person because that person still wasn’t ready to come out.”

 

“And he talked about me?”

 

“He’s told me about some of the things you’ve done. Like taking him for a picnic on a secluded beach. The weekend you spent in San Diego and LA. The way you took care of him when he was sick. All of the fun the two of you have together. I can’t believe he was talking about you this whole time.”

 

“How long has he been talking about me?”

 

“Just a couple of months.”

 

Now Carlton couldn’t identify what O’Hara was feeling. “Are you angry?” he decided to ask.

 

She shook her head slowly. “No. I’m not angry. I got over Shawn a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean that this isn’t weird.” O’Hara stood up and Carlton drank the rest of his scotch as he waited nervously for her to say something. “I just need to go home and deal with this on my own.”

 

“O’Hara, are we going to be okay? I would hate to lose you as a partner.”

 

O’Hara nodded. “We’ll be okay, Carlton. I just need some time to adjust to this. Okay?” She didn’t give him time to answer though before she turned around and walked away. 

 

Carlton settled in to have another scotch and then some. That had not gone was well as he would have hoped for. Then again, it could have gone a lot worse too. 

 

He was well on his way to passing out when Shawn showed up. “Shawn! Hey, how did you know I was here? Did you use your psychic abilities?”

 

“Jules called and told me you might not be able to make it home on your own.”

 

“Oh. Well that was nice of her.” Carlton grinned at Shawn but Shawn barely even looked at him.

 

“Come on, Lassie. Let’s get you home.”

 

Shawn helped him out of his seat. Carlton slung an arm around Shawn to keep from falling. Guster appeared at his other side and between the three of them they managed to get Carlton into his car, which Shawn really shouldn’t be driving. Carlton couldn’t be bothered to worry about that right now though. 

 

*****

 

His head was pounding when he woke up in the morning. He let out a groan and pulled the covers over his head. He heard a chuckle next to him. “Regretting all that scotch you drank last night?”

 

Carlton let out another groan and tried in vain to keep the covers over his head as Shawn tugged them down. 

 

“Lassie, do you remember anything from last night? Like maybe how much you drank?”

 

“Do you think you could not yell?”

 

Shawn let out a sigh and then a couple of pills were being pushed into his hand. Carlton put them in his mouth and Shawn handed him a glass of water. Carlton swallowed the pills and Shawn pulled the covers over his head for him. He wasn’t under there alone for long though.

 

“What are you doing, Shawn?”

 

“Well if you want to hide under the covers, then I need to hide under here with you.”

 

Carlton groaned again. “What happened last night?”

 

“Well, from what I understand, you had drinks with Jules, told her about us and it didn’t really go very well so you decided to drink. A lot. Luckily for you Juliet is still a very nice person and she called me to let me know that you would probably need a ride home because apparently you started really downing the stuff while she was still there.”

 

That sounded about right. “So did I tell you what we talked about or did she?”

 

“She did. You passed out in the car. I had to drag your ass up here. Well, Gus helped me. He was not happy about that.” Shawn scooted closer to him and curled around him. “I’m sorry about how things went with Jules.”

 

“It’s fine. Why didn’t you tell me you told her you had a boyfriend? Why didn’t you tell me you talked about me?”

 

Shawn shrugged. “Does it matter? I did. I never mentioned you. I never said anything that hinted at you. Do you regret telling her?”

 

He probably should. He should probably be upset with Shawn too. If Shawn hadn’t pushed him to tell O’Hara about their relationship then she wouldn’t be upset with him. 

 

“No.”

 

Shawn kissed his cheek. “Get some sleep, Lassie.”

 

“What about work?”

 

“Already taken care of. Now sleep.” Shawn kissed his cheek again and then he was gone. 

 

Carlton wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to get back to sleep, but he soon found himself drifting off. 

 

He was awoken a few hours later by hushed voices coming from the kitchen. Carlton dragged himself from the bed and into the shower. Shawn’s head poked around the curtain a few minutes in. 

 

“What do you want, Shawn?”

 

“Feeling any better?”

 

“I’ll live. Who’s here?”

 

“Juliet.”

 

Carlton’s eyes widened. “Really?”

 

Shawn leaned in and kissed him and Carlton was really glad that he had brushed his teeth before getting in the shower because he was pretty sure he had thrown up in the middle of the night. He was going to have to ask Shawn about that. 

 

“You better hurry up before she leaves.”

 

“I’m almost done. Hey, did I throw up at some point last night?”

 

Shawn smirked. “Oh yes. You woke up in the middle of the night and stumbled your way to the bathroom. I still had to clean up after you though.”

 

Carlton winced. “Sorry.”

 

“Don’t worry about it. We’ll see you in a few minutes.”

 

Carlton hurried through the rest of his shower. He put a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt on and headed out to the kitchen. 

 

Shawn and O’Hara were sitting at the table. O’Hara looked a bit uncomfortable, and he knew that Shawn wasn’t oblivious to that fact. He was just choosing to ignore it, especially in front of O’Hara. 

 

“O’Hara, I have to admit I’m a little surprised to see you.”

 

“I brought you some soup. Also I wanted to tell you something. I’ve decided to take a temporary reassignment.”

 

Carlton gaped at her. He knew O’Hara said she would need some time to get used to the fact that he was sleeping with Shawn, but he hadn’t expected her to go that far.

 

“O’Hara?”

 

“I’m sorry, Carlton. It’s just temporary.” With that she walked out the door. Shawn had been strangely quiet through all of that. 

 

“Shawn, are you okay?”

 

Shawn shook his head. “I’m sorry, Lassie. I didn’t mean to make her go away.”

 

“It’s not your fault.”

 

“Yes it is. I’m the one who has been pushing you to go public with our relationship.” Shawn left the table and went into the bedroom. Carlton sighed and followed. 

 

He crawled into bed with Shawn and pulled him close. “You were right, though. We couldn’t hide this forever.”

 

“You wanted to though.”

 

“It’s nobody’s business.”

 

“You’ve never been shy about talking about your lady friends before.”

 

Shawn wasn’t looking at him and Carlton could feel how tense Shawn was. “Shawn, do you think I’m ashamed of you or something?”

 

Shawn didn’t answer him. He shouldn’t be surprised that Shawn felt that way, not after the years they spent antagonizing each other at the station, and how vehement Carlton had sometimes been about wanting nothing to do with Shawn.

 

“That’s not the case, Shawn. I know you might find this hard to believe, but I’m not ashamed of you.”

 

“Then why didn’t you want to tell anyone about us?”

 

Carlton didn’t have a good answer for that. “Honestly, Shawn, I don’t know. I really didn’t mean to hide though. I know what the consequences could be if Vick found out. I weighed the pros and cons of being in a relationship with you. You were there when I did it. I never made a conscious decision to not tell people. It just sort of happened that way. And then I got comfortable with people not knowing. And then it became harder and harder to tell people about us.”

 

“Maybe we should start going out more. We could start going on dates.”

 

“If that’s what you want.”

 

“I don’t want to force you, Lassie. If you don’t want to, then we don’t have to.”

 

“No. We should. There’s no reason to hide this. We can go out for dinner this weekend.”

 

Shawn grinned at him and rolled on top of him.


	3. Chapter 3

Carlton actually felt a little sick looking at the pictures from the crime scene. The bodies had been chopped up into little pieces. There was blood everywhere. There were organs scattered all around. It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t something they were used to seeing.

 

There was a commotion outside of the conference room and Carlton saw Guster and Shawn heading straight for them. Carlton couldn’t let either of them see the pictures. Guster would hurl in the conference room and Shawn would have an increase in nightmares, even with the collar. The collar would help, but Shawn would still be affected.

 

He walked out of the conference room before they got to the door. 

 

“Lassie!”

 

“Shawn, don’t,” Carlton interrupted before Shawn could get any further. “The crime scene photos are really bad. I’m not sure either of you should go in there. Guster, you definitely shouldn’t, and I don’t think you should either, Shawn.”

 

“Goodbye, Shawn.” Guster said, turning around and walking away. Shawn rolled his eyes and tried to walk into the conference room. Carlton held out a hand to stop him. “I’m serious, Shawn. The photos are really bad. Even I had a hard time with them. You’re going to remember every tiny detail. I’d really rather you didn’t.”

 

Shawn smiled at him. “That’s sweet, Lassie. Don’t worry about me though. I’ll be fine.”

 

Carlton let out a sigh, but let Shawn go into the conference room. Carlton followed him in. He was probably the only one who noticed the way Shawn’s jaw tensed when he saw the photos. There was definitely going to be an increase in nightmares that the collar wasn’t going to be any help with. Hopefully with Shawn helping on the case they would be able to finish it quickly. 

 

Maybe he and Shawn could take a long weekend away after this. Shawn would need it. Carlton would probably need it too.

 

*****

 

Shawn proved to be useful to the case though, as per usual. They were getting close, closer than they would have gotten if Shawn hadn’t been involved. This was a case they wanted to close as quickly as possible. 

 

Shawn had been doing his best to not go off on his own on this one. Carlton hasn’t asked him to do that. He knew Shawn was doing it for him all the same. He knew how worried Carlton was about this one.

 

That’s why he was surprised when he got the call that Shawn and Guster had stumbled onto another body.

 

Guster was hurling into a trash can when they arrived at the scene. Shawn wasn’t hurling, but even he looked particularly pale and like he might shove Guster out of the way at any minute now. 

 

There was definitely no hope now that they would be able to avoid nightmares.

 

Carlton made Shawn wait in the car with McNab looking after him. Guster didn’t need to be told to wait where he was, if he ever left that trash can again. He went to the body that Guster and Shawn had found and studied the scene the way that Shawn had shown him to do so many times now. He didn’t think Shawn was going to be much help on this case so he needed to be at his best.

 

He spent more time than usual at the scene before finally making his way back to the cars and Shawn. Shawn wasn’t where he had left him though. That figured. Shawn couldn’t sit still where there was a crime to solve.

 

A look around showed no signs of Shawn though, and upon closer inspection he found McNab on the ground, unconscious.

 

“You have got to be kidding me.” 

 

He ran towards the unconscious McNab and kneeled in front of him. “McNab!” he yelled. There was no response.

 

He stood up. “Shawn!” he called out. People stopped what they were doing to watch him. Even Guster managed to pull himself away from the trash bin to look around.

 

Not possible. Not possible that Shawn was taken with so many policemen around. Not possible that there were so many people who saw absolutely nothing.

 

Except it was. He questioned everyone who had been there and nobody could tell him anything, not even McNab. He was going to have to find Shawn himself. He was going to have to find Shawn without Shawn. 

 

Of course. Just when he could use Shawn’s help.

 

*****

 

“Carlton!” a familiar voice called out.

 

“Lulu?” He hurried out of the conference and found both Lauren and their mother looking for him.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“We brought you food. I figured you probably haven’t eaten since Shawn was taken. We’re also here for moral support.”

 

Carlton pulled Lulu into his arms. “I’m so glad you’re here.” 

 

He let Lauren go and hugged his mother too. He and his mother had actually been on better terms since he had been seeing Shawn. They hadn’t met yet but Carlton had told her all about him.

 

“Any luck?” Lauren asked when Carlton pulled away from his mother.

 

Carlton let out a sigh. “Not really.”

 

“No progress at all?”

 

Carlton shook his head. “Any progress on this case stalled when Shawn was taken. I really need his help and he’s not here. I keep turning to ask him a question and he’s not there.”

 

Lauren hugged him again. “Don’t worry, Carlton. You’re going to find him. You’re going to save him. The two of you are going to live happily ever after.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“Because I refuse to believe anything else. He knows you’ll find him, Carlton. Don’t let him down. I know you’ll find him too.”

 

“I’m glad the two of you think so highly of me.”

 

“Carlton, I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”

 

“Carlton!” a new voice called out. He pulled out of the hug to find O’Hara walking towards him.

 

“O’Hara? What are you doing here?”

 

“I heard about Shawn. I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner. I want to help.”

 

Carlton didn’t know what to say. Of course O’Hara would want to help find Shawn, but did she still not want to be around the two of them? Would they go back to being partners after this?

 

“Before you ask me if this means I’m going to come back, I’m not sure.”

 

“I wish you would. I miss having you as my partner.”

 

“A year ago you would have never admitted that. Shawn’s been rubbing off on you.”

 

Carlton smiled sadly. “O’Hara.”

 

O’Hara walked up to him and hugged him. It was his day to get hugged, apparently. “We’ll find him, Carlton. We’ll find him.”

 

O’Hara pulled away from him. “Now, walk me through everything you have and let’s see what we can get done.”

 

He took the food Lauren had brought for him, said goodbye to her and their mother, and then caught O’Hara up to speed on the case. It didn’t take long. Carlton didn’t exactly have much to go on.

 

He’d been wracking his brain trying to find even the smallest of clues. He’d been trying so hard to take in everything the way that Shawn would. He’d been trying to take everything in the way that Shawn had taught him to.

 

So far Carlton had gotten nothing for his efforts. He was terrified that in the next couple of days he would be looking at photos of Shawn cut up and scattered about. That thought made him sick to his stomach. He couldn’t seem to stop thinking about it.

 

He needed to keep a clear head though. It was the only way he was going to be able to save Shawn.

 

*****

 

Everyone was in the conference room. Even people who shouldn’t be in the room were there. That included Henry, Lulu, Guster, and even his mother. It was like a zoo. And it was noisy. It was so noisy that Carlton nearly didn’t hear his phone ring.

 

It was Shawn’s number.

 

“Shawn?”

 

He put the phone on speaker so that everyone could hear. It was deathly silent in the conference room now.

 

“Lassie!” Shawn said just a little too brightly. “I hope you put me on speakerphone, Lassie because everyone needs to hear this.”

 

“We’re all here, Shawn.”

 

“I’m calling to tell you to stop looking for me. If you keep looking for me then the person you are looking for is going to kill me. If you keep trying to find me then I’m going to wind up like all those crime scene photos you’ve been obsessing over.”

 

Damn it. That meant he was close. He had to be close for the kidnapper to be forcing Shawn to make this call.

 

“This is my goodbye, Lassie.”

 

“Shawn-“

 

“Don’t. This is hard enough.” Shawn sighed. “Lassie, do you remember when we went to that cabin? The wind chimes were so noisy in all that wind. We always said we’d go back. Then there was that one day we went shooting. That was the first time you’d ever seen me shoot a gun.”

 

Carlton had no idea what Shawn was talking about. That had never happened. They had gone away yes, but it hadn’t been like anything Shawn had described. 

 

“Shawn,” he tried again. When Shawn didn’t say anything Carlton continued talking. “Damn it, Shawn. I’ve put up with too much of your shit over the years for it to end like this.”

 

Shawn laughed but it quickly turned into a sigh. “Carlton,” he whispered into the phone.

 

Carlton scrubbed a hand over his face. “I know. Me too.”

 

The call was disconnected.

 

Carlton gave himself a minute with his eyes closed to gather himself before he looked up to find everyone looking at him. The ones who didn’t know about him and Shawn looked confused. The others looked at him with pity in their eyes.

 

Carlton grabbed his phone and walked out. He needed to get away from everyone. He needed to clear his head.

 

He went to the shooting range. 

 

He unloaded a full clip before O’Hara and Guster showed up.

 

“Are you okay, Carlton?”

 

“Peachy.”

 

“Lassiter, how exactly is coming here and wallowing going to help you find my best friend.”

 

“Gus,” O’Hara chided.

 

“Don’t start with me, Guster.”

 

Guster got in his face. “That is my best friend out there, Lassiter and you haven’t gotten any closer to finding him. My best friend who I’ve known forever, and you’re leaving him out there to die.”

 

“That’s enough, Gus,” O’Hara said, pulling Guster away from Carlton.

 

Carlton turned away from Guster and back towards the target he had been shooting at. He slammed his gun down and rested his hands next to it. “He’s my everything,” Carlton admitted.

 

Guster and O’Hara stayed silent. It seemed neither of them had anything to say to that. He would have thought that Guster had known that by now. He didn’t know if this meant he would lose O’Hara for good now. It was the truth though. 

 

He thought back on the phone conversation he had just had with Shawn and about what Shawn had said to all of them. He hadn’t been making any sense. That must mean he had dropped a clue into what he had said. He was trying to tell Carlton where he was.

 

The first time Carlton had ever seen Shawn shoot had been when Shawn had been kidnapped and he and Henry had gone after him. The place they had wound up at had had wind chimes. 

 

Carlton made sure that his gun was fully loaded.

 

“I know where Shawn is.”

 

***

 

They surrounded the small building and Carlton and a few others made their way inside. Shawn was naked and tied to a chair. He looked terrible. He looked like he had been tortured for days. Which he had been.

 

Carlton focused his attention on the person standing next to Shawn though. A woman. A woman had been responsible for all of this. She had taken down all of these men and had reduced them to nothing.

 

“I told you Lassie was going to come for me. I told you he’d get you in the end. And I told you he liked his guns.”

 

Carlton could barely hear Shawn. He definitely wasn’t going to feel bad if he had to shoot her. He wouldn’t feel bad about killing her either.

 

“Drop your weapon and put your hands in the air.”

 

She didn’t listen. She moved closer to Shawn with a weapon in her hand. Carlton didn’t think. He just shot. 

 

“I’ve got her covered, Carlton. Go to Shawn.”

 

Carlton holstered his weapon and hurried over to Shawn. On his way, he glimpsed the table of weapons. This woman had probably used most, if not all, of those weapons on Shawn.

 

Carlton got down on his knees in front of Shawn and began working on his ropes. His hands were shaking badly and it made it harder to undo them.

 

“Lassie,” Shawn murmured. “I knew you’d find me, Lassie. I knew you’d come get me.”

 

Carlton didn’t know how Shawn had so much faith in him when Carlton had been worried that he wouldn’t find Shawn in time, that when he finally found Shawn he would already look like all those crime scene photos.

 

McNab had noticed his struggles and came over to help. Carlton couldn’t even speak up to tell him thanks. He had been so worried about Shawn, and here Shawn was in once piece. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. Mostly he just wanted Shawn in his arms.

 

“Thanks for helping, Buzz. Lassie’s a little shaken up right now.”

 

“It’s okay. I would feel the same way if my wife had been taken.”

 

Carlton’s eyes widened and he looked at McNab. McNab shrugged. “We were kind of filled in when you left the room earlier. Sorry.”

 

Carlton shook his head. He didn’t care. It was time to tell everyone the truth.

 

They finally got Shawn untied and Carlton dragged him out of the chair and into his arms. Shawn was unsteady on his feet but Carlton held on tight. Hopefully he wasn’t hurting Shawn more by doing that.

 

“Lassie. You’re hugging me. In public.”

 

“Well since apparently it’s gotten out that we’re together, I don’t think it really matters. Even if it did I wouldn’t care. I was so scared, Shawn. I was so worried that when I finally found you it was going to be because you were a crime scene. That you were going to look like all of those photos that I can’t stop seeing.”

 

“It’s okay, Carlton. I’m okay. I’m safe now.”

 

Carlton was on the verge of tears. He couldn’t cry here though. That would have to wait until he was either alone with Shawn or just alone.

 

Guster walked up to them with a blanket for Shawn. Shawn took it gratefully. He watched as Guster hugged him awkwardly since he was naked and then he pulled Shawn back into his arms. He didn’t want to let him go.

 

So he didn’t.

 

He helped Shawn out to the ambulance where Chief Vick met them. He was a little worried that the Chief was going to try and make him stay instead of going to the hospital, so it was a relief when she told him to go and that she would see him there.

 

“Carlton. Before we go. I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight.”

 

“Are you sure? There are going to be a lot of people around.”

 

“I’m sure.”

 

Before he got into the ambulance with Shawn, he pulled Guster aside. “Guster, I need you to do something for me. If you can go to the condo and get something of ours to bring back here.”

 

“What do you need?”

 

“In our bedroom, on the nightstand, there is a box. I need that box.”

 

“Okay. I can do that.”

 

“Thank you, Guster. I’ll see you at the hospital.”

 

He climbed into the ambulance with Shawn. “I sent Guster to get what we need.”

 

“Thanks, Lassie.”

 

Carlton breathed a little easier once Shawn was settled in his hospital bed. It was late, but an exception for visitors had been made for Shawn. The room had been crowded but Carlton was slowly shooing everyone out. Shawn needed to get his sleep and Carlton would rather there not be people around to see him collar Shawn. It wasn’t any of their business. 

 

O’Hara had stopped by briefly but had had to get back to work. She had let Carlton know that Chief Vick would be by in the morning to talk to the both of them. Carlton wasn’t terribly worried. He and Shawn made a good team and if she wanted to get rid of even one of them, it would be a mistake. 

 

Finally there was just the nurse left in the room. She wanted to give something to Shawn to help him sleep. Shawn shot Carlton a pleading look. 

 

“It doesn’t matter if you give him something to sleep. He won’t sleep if I’m not in the bed with him. And I have something that will help him sleep better than anything you can give him.”

 

She was young and she was curious, so Carlton didn’t think it was going to be a problem. He pulled out the box that Guster had brought back from their condo and opened it. Shawn’s collar was nestled inside.

 

Carlton held up the collar for her to see. “Do you need him at all for the rest of the night? He’s not allowed to talk once this is on.”

 

“You can get him to sleep like that?”

 

Carlton shrugged. “All I have to do is order him to sleep.”

 

The nurse’s eyes widened. “That’s impressive. I have friends who are into that and they don’t have anywhere near that kind of power.”

 

“I think Shawn and I just have a special bond. Can I have a few minutes with him alone now?”

 

The nurse nodded and left them alone. Carlton got onto the bed with Shawn.

 

“Lassie, I’m exhausted. Can we save all the big talks for tomorrow?”

 

Carlton leaned down and kissed him. “Sure. We can do that. I’m just glad you’re safe.”

 

He put the collar on Shawn and watched as Shawn relaxed. The nurse walked back into the room. “Can I watch you put him to sleep?”

 

“I guess so. There’s not really anything to see.”

 

He looked Shawn over. He looked so peaceful like this, if you ignored the bruises and cuts all over his body. 

 

“Shawn, go to sleep,” he ordered. Shawn’s eyes drooped and then closed as he fell into the most relaxing sleep he could ever hope to achieve. It wasn’t perfect, but it would help. Any nightmares he experienced would be subdued and he wouldn’t remember them when Carlton took the collar off.

 

“Does that really help him get a relaxing sleep?”

 

“It helps. It’s not perfect. It’s better than nothing though, and it’s certainly better than the drugs you were going to give him.”

 

She didn’t have a response for that. Carlton knew how impressive it was that he could get Shawn to sleep on command. It had taken practice, yes, but Shawn had been so receptive to being dominated like this since they started this. Carlton was glad they had tried it. There was a noticeable difference in Shawn.

 

“Do you think you can make sure we aren’t disturbed again until I take his collar off?”

 

“I can leave a note for the nurses to not allow visitors in until you say it’s okay.”

 

“Thank you. I appreciate it.”

 

“Goodnight, Detective.” She walked out and left him alone with Shawn.

 

The hospital bed was too small for two grown men to share it, but Carlton curled up around Shawn as best as he could. He didn’t sleep. He spent the whole night awake watching Shawn sleep. He needed to watch over Shawn. He needed to know that Shawn was okay and that he was safe now.

 

He didn’t cry, like he thought he would have. He just held Shawn close as he slept. 

 

A nursed walked into their room first thing in the morning. She only glanced at the collar before focusing her attention on Carlton.

 

“Do you need him for something or can he sleep for a while longer?”

 

“He can sleep, but there is a Chief Vick out in the hall who would like to talk to you.”

 

Carlton hated the idea of leaving Shawn in the room while he was collared, but he didn’t want to bring Chief Vick in here either.

 

“He’s perfectly safe.”

 

“I know.” That didn’t make it any easier. With a sigh, he got out of bed and headed out to the hallway.

 

“Chief Vick.”

 

“Detective Lassiter.”

 

There was silence for a minute before Chief Vick spoke up again. “Detective Lassiter, this is the second time you’ve been involved with someone in the department.”

 

“Technically he’s not _with_ the department.”

 

“I’m not interested in semantics, Detective. I actually approve of this relationship.”

 

“I’m sorry. What did you just say?”

 

“I approve of this relationship. I’ve seen a difference in both of you. I think this is a good thing.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

He didn’t want to press his luck, but he needed to say something. “Chief, I’m going to need a couple of weeks off so I can take care of Shawn.”

 

“I know. Make sure you’re both ready before you come back to work, okay?”

 

Carlton nodded. “Of course.”

 

Chief Vick left so Carlton went back into Shawn’s room. Shawn looked better than he had last night. 

 

The nurse was still in the room.

 

“Do you need Shawn to talk at all this morning? I can wake him up but I’d prefer to not take the collar off for a while. It seems to be doing him some good.”

 

“I’d like to ask him about his pain and how he feels but I suppose we can hold off on that for a few hours. What about food?”

 

“He can do anything I order him to. Except talk. That’s the one thing he’s not allowed.”

 

“Okay. Why don’t you wake him up and I’ll have some food sent in.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Shawn, wake up.”

 

Shawn opened his eyes and blinked a few times. He smiled at Carlton and stretched. Carlton should probably get him to relieve himself before the food got here.

 

“Get out of bed, Shawn.”

 

Shawn managed to get out of bed with minimal help from Carlton. Any pain he might have been in was dulled while Shawn was in subspace. 

 

He helped Shawn to the toilet and ordered him to relieve himself. He helped Shawn back into bed and got in with him. 

 

The food came, and rather than order Shawn to eat, Carlton fed him. He needed to take care of Shawn.

 

He kept Shawn down for the rest of the morning, but by lunch there were so many people that wanted to see Shawn that Carlton relented and took the collar off. 

 

It was always interesting seeing Shawn adjust to being aware of his surroundings. 

 

Carlton ran his fingers through Shawn’s hair. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Better, actually. How long was I under for?”

 

“It’s lunchtime. I would have kept you under longer but there are people who want to see you and are pretty insistent.”

 

Shawn sighed. “Will you make sure they don’t stay too long?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Then I guess you should just go ahead and let them in now.”

 

He kissed Shawn and let everyone into the room. He stood to the side to let everyone talk to Shawn, but he kept an eye on the time. He shooed everyone out after half an hour claiming that Shawn needed his rest.

 

It wasn’t completely a lie. Shawn looked exhausted by the time the last guest left the room. 

 

“How long do you think I need to be here for, Lassie? Do you think I can go home soon?”

 

“I think we can arrange that.”

 

He got back into bed with Shawn and pulled him into his arms. “How are you holding up?”

 

“I don’t know. I just want you to take me home. I just want to stay in bed with you for days and just… do nothing.”

 

“We can do that.”

 

“Are you taking time off of work?”

 

“Of course I am. I’m taking as long as you need.”

 

“Good.”

 

*****

Guster had brought over jerk chicken for the three of them to eat. They were all piled on the bed because Shawn had been serious about not leaving it for a week. He left it to shower and relieve himself and that was it. Carlton had been waiting on him hand and foot and had been grouching about it the whole time, but in all honesty he didn’t mind. He was just glad that Shawn was safe and in one piece. 

 

Carlton would be going back to work tomorrow. He wasn’t ready to leave Shawn alone, but Shawn had assured him that he would be fine and that he should get back to work, and that the place was probably falling apart without him there. Carlton couldn’t argue with that so he had agreed. 

 

Tonight though, he was going to enjoy his evening with Shawn. And with Guster. Until he kicked Guster out. Which he was very close to doing. Guster had been spending a lot of time with them since Shawn had gotten out of the hospital. Carlton could understand that, but he was in need of some serious alone time with Shawn. 

 

Instead of saying anything he let Guster and Shawn talk about random nonsense. He did give Shawn a look when Guster wasn’t paying attention. Shawn nodded and stretched and yawned. “Gus, I think I’m gonna have to call it an early night here.”

 

Guster was only too happy to do what Shawn wanted as well. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

 

“Yeah. I’ll call you when I’m feeling up for company.”

 

Guster bid both of them goodnight. Carlton followed him out so he could lock up the door behind him and turn out the lights. Shawn had cleared off the bed and dumped everything into a bag for Carlton to get rid of. 

 

When he got back to the bedroom Shawn was naked and waiting for him.

 

“Are you sure you’re up for this?”

 

Shawn grinned at him. “Just be gentle with me.”

 

Carlton snorted and hurried out of his clothes. They hadn’t done this since Shawn had gotten out of the hospital. Carlton hadn’t wanted to push. Shawn had seemed so tired these past couple of weeks. He still wasn’t sure this was a great idea, but they could always stop if it was too much for Shawn.

 

He pressed a brief kiss to Shawn’s lips and then trailed kisses along his cheek and jaw. He moved down to Shawn’s chest, taking a nipple into his mouth. He finished working his way down Shawn’s torso and then angled off to the side to leave kisses along his hip. Then he moved back to Shawn’s lips and started the whole process again along Shawn’s other side. When he finished this time though, he took Shawn’s dick into his mouth. 

 

He took Shawn as deep as he could, took Shawn to the brink before pulling off. He grabbed the lube from the nightstand and slowly began working Shawn open. The last time he had been so thorough was the first time he had done this to Shawn. Shawn wasn’t complaining though. He was just smiling up at Carlton, clearly enjoying himself. 

 

Carlton slid a third finger into Shawn and leaned down to kiss him, slowly moving his fingers in and out of Shawn. Shawn sighed into his mouth. He might not love bottoming the way Carlton did, but he still enjoyed himself and still enjoyed the connection. 

 

Finally he pushed into Shawn. He thrust slowly, Shawn wrapping his legs around him, pulling him down into a kiss. He held Carlton like he thought that Carlton might suddenly run off. Carlton could feel everything he had been holding back rush to the surface, and he wasn’t the only one. Shawn pulled out of the kiss and buried his face in Carlton’s neck. He could feel the tears. 

 

Carlton stopped thrusting and just held Shawn as tight as he could, finally letting the tears he had been holding back since Shawn had been taken flow freely. They held each other until their tears subsided. Shawn’s mouth found his again and Carlton began to thrust in earnest this time. 

 

The pace was quick and frantic and it left them both clutching each other until they both finally came and collapsed in a sweaty, panting heap. They didn’t separate. It didn’t matter that they would stick to each other if they didn’t move and clean off. The only thing they managed to do was to roll to their sides so they were still wrapped around each other but not on top of each other.

 

They didn’t talk. They didn’t need to. They just feel asleep in each other’s arms.

 

Carlton had trouble waking up when the alarm went off. He seriously considered calling in sick, but decided he better not. He just needed to get some coffee in his system and he would be fine.

 

He managed to unglue himself from Shawn without really disturbing him. He showered and dressed and kissed a barely awake Shawn goodbye. He pulled a package out of one of the drawers in the kitchen, a package he had been hiding from Shawn, and headed to the station.

 

He was greeted warmly by everyone with people inquiring about his health and about Shawn’s. He was grateful that nobody seemed to have a problem with his relationship with Shawn. That was good, because he was about to make it even more official. 

 

When he got to his desk he pulled out the packaged he had grabbed from the kitchen and unwrapped it. He set it on his desk and smiled. He was letting Shawn clutter his desk. It was a picture Guster had taken of him and Shawn when the three of them had been goofing off on the beach. He and Shawn had their arms around each other and they both had huge smiles on their faces. He had asked Guster to print it out for him but to keep it a secret from Shawn. 

 

As the morning wore on he was aware of people passing by his desk and actually pausing when they noticed that there was something on it. He didn’t miss the smiles that people thought they were hiding either. 

 

Around lunchtime there was a commotion near the front of the station. He was about to get up and investigate when he heard Shawn’s voice ring out across the station. He smiled and stayed where he was. It would seem that Shawn hadn’t really been ready for Carlton to go back to work after all. 

 

When Shawn was finally able to get away from everyone he headed for Carlton’s desk with Guster, and it looked like Guster was carrying food. Shawn looked dead on his feet though so Carlton shoved him into a seat as soon as he got to the desk. 

 

“Always with the manhandling, Lassie.” Shawn was grinning at him though, and looked grateful for the seat. Guster set out the food for them and sat down next to Shawn. 

 

Shawn didn’t mention the picture but Carlton knew that Shawn had seen it. Shawn didn’t miss anything. He certainly wouldn’t miss something that huge. They talked about nothing while they ate. Carlton could feel eyes on them but didn’t give into the temptation to see who was watching them. As long as nobody commented negatively it didn’t really matter. 

 

Shawn looked even worse by the time they had finished eating. “I think you need to go home and get back into bed.”

 

“I am so there, Lassie.”

 

“Come on. Let’s get you out of here.” Carlton helped Shawn out of his seat and kept a steadying arm around him all the way out to the car. Guster got in the car, leaving Shawn and Carlton some privacy.

 

“I noticed that there was a picture on your desk.”

 

“You and everyone else in the station.”

 

“There’s something I need to tell you, Carlton. I know that you still have trouble believing that this isn’t going to turn into a situation like with what happened with Jules, and I don’t really know how to convince you otherwise. But maybe this will help. I’ve been kidnapped before. I used to either think about how I was never going to get my chance with Juliet or how I hadn’t had enough time with her. This time, though, I thought about you. I thought about what would happen if our places were switched. It left an awful ache inside of me, and I didn’t want that to happen to you. I thought about the future that we might never have. The kids we would help Gus raise and the kids that maybe we might raise. Carlton, I just want you to be happy and I want us to be happy.”

 

Carlton cupped Shawn’s face in his hands. “Don’t worry. I get it. It’s different. It’s always been different.”

 

Shawn smiled and wound his arms around Carlton, resting his head on Carlton’s shoulder. “I’ll try not to be too late tonight, okay.”

 

“Carlton.”

 

“I know. I’ll take another week off.” Shawn hadn’t been ready for him to come back to work. He had thought he was ready, but he still needed Carlton with him at home. Carlton was okay with that. He wanted to be home with Shawn if Shawn needed him.

 

Shawn’s answer was to nuzzle at his neck. “I love you, Carlton.”

 

“I love you too, Shawn.”

 

He wanted to tell Shawn just how much he meant to him, but he couldn’t find the words. He didn’t think that Shawn needed the words anyway. Just putting a picture of them on his desk had been clue enough. Then there was the fact that Carlton willingly took off of work for Shawn, and had even risked his career for Shawn when he had outed them to the Chief. And now he was about to kiss Shawn in public. Again.

 

He ran his fingers through Shawn’s hair and kissed the top of his head. He kissed his way down Shawn’s face until Shawn’s lips met his own. He lingered longer than he should considering he wasn’t a fan of PDA. 

 

“I’ll see you in a few hours,” he whispered into Shawn’s ear. He kissed his cheek and then headed back into the station. He didn’t even bother trying to hide his smile. Carlton was happy. He loved his life right now. He was pretty sure he had found the person he would spend the rest of his life with. Let everyone at the station see that. It didn’t matter.


	4. Epilogue

“Why are you so nervous? The entire station knows that we’re together.”

 

“I know that. This is different. They know we’re together but they’ve never really seen us together.”

 

“Lassie, you worry way too much. It’s not like they’re suddenly going to give you a hard time.” Shawn grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.

 

It was the station’s Christmas party. It was the first time they would be together in front of everyone at the station. They no longer hid their relationship from everyone, but it wasn’t as if they went out as a couple with people from the station. 

 

It made him nervous, but he didn’t know why. He wasn’t worried about what anyone would say. Everyone at the station had been nothing but supportive. Still. This was different. Somehow.

 

Guster and O’Hara were already inside and Shawn headed straight for them. They were standing with a group of officers from the station, laughing and drinking and having a good time. Carlton didn’t fit in here. He didn’t know why he had let Shawn talking him into this. It was ridiculous.

 

“Carlton, are you actually wearing an ugly sweater? And jeans? How did you manage that, Shawn?”

 

The theme for the party was to wear ugly Christmas sweaters. Carlton hadn’t planned on that though. He had planned on just going in his suit like he normally would have done. Shawn had bought him a sweater though and had practically forced Carlton into it.

 

“Don’t be too impressed. I had to force him into it. He’s kept it on though so I consider it progress.”

 

O’Hara laughed and Shawn gave his hand a squeeze. He hung back a little as Shawn chatted with everyone there. Carlton wasn’t much for the small talk, but Shawn was good enough at it for the both of them. 

 

Carlton let his eyes roam around the room, barely tuning into what Shawn and everyone else was talking about. His eyes landed on a familiar face. He gave Shawn’s hand a squeeze and headed for that familiar face.

 

“Victoria?”

 

“Carlton?”

 

They hugged. It was awkward. Victoria still had a place in his heart, she always would, but he didn’t feel anything for her. Not anymore.

 

“How have you been?” he asked.

 

“I’ve been good. How about you?”

 

“I’ve been really good actually.”

 

Shawn chose that moment to walk up to him. “Lassie! Are you going to introduce me to your friend here?”

 

“Shawn, this is Victoria. Victoria, this is Shawn. He’s our resident psychic.” Carlton only mentioned that to soften the blow that was Shawn meeting Carlton’s ex-wife.

 

He noticed Shawn looking over Victoria in that way that he had. Shawn opened his mouth to say something but Carlton nudged him with his foot. Shawn closed his mouth.

 

“Carlton, is this the psychic you used to complain about all the time?”

 

Carlton glanced at Shawn but Shawn was just smiling. It wasn’t like it was a secret that he used to be annoyed by Shawn frequently.

 

“Don’t let Lassie fool you. He was always secretly in awe of my special gift. He just would never admit that to anyone.”

 

Carlton rolled his eyes. “And Shawn here thinks of himself as a comedian.”

 

Shawn laughed but didn’t deny it. He grasped Carlton’s arm and leaned in to whisper in his ear. “She’s been married and divorced since you last saw her.” That being said, Shawn took off to talk to people who weren’t Carlton’s ex-wife. Carlton didn’t blame him.

 

He knew Shawn had told him about Victoria’s other ex so that he would have the upper hand. He could rub it in if he wanted to, but Carlton wasn’t planning on doing that. What was the point? Victoria was a part of his past.

 

“So tell me, Carlton, is there anyone new in your life?”

 

Carlton couldn’t help but smile. “There is, actually.”

 

“Is she here? Can I meet her?”

 

This was something he had thought about before tonight and he had already decided that should he ever run into Victoria then he would tell her the truth. “You already met him.”

 

Victoria’s eyes widened at the implication. “Shawn? You’re in a romantic relationship with the psychic?” The one you always told me you couldn’t stand? The one who calls you by a dog’s name?”

 

Carlton shrugged. “Things changed. And the nickname is affectionate.” At least it was now, even if it hadn’t started out that way.

 

Victoria shook her head. “No. I don’t believe you.”

 

Carlton had never told her about the couple of experiences he had had with men. She hadn’t been around when Carlton had all but admitted what had happened with the guy at the picnic. She wasn’t observant the way that Shawn was. She would never have noticed anything. She was clueless about that side of him. 

 

It wasn’t that he had been hiding it from her. It was just something that had never come up. It wasn’t something he had ever felt the need to drop casually into conversation.

 

“It doesn’t matter if you believe me or not. It’s true and I am very happy with him.”

 

Victoria walked off in a huff. Carlton rolled his eyes and went after Shawn.

 

“Everything okay?” Shawn asked when Carlton had caught up with him.

 

“You know you have nothing to worry about, right?”

 

Shawn laughed and kissed his cheek. “I do know that. I was asking because she walked off in a huff. What happened?”

 

Carlton sighed. “Oh. That. She didn’t believe that I’m in a relationship with you.”

 

“You mean she doesn’t know about your past, Lassie?” Shawn teased.

 

Carlton poked him in the side, making Shawn squirm and let out a squeak. Carlton laughed and pulled Shawn in for a hug.

 

“You are in an awfully good mood for having just encountered your ex-wife.”

 

Carlton leaned down and kissed Shawn in lieu of an answer. Shawn beamed at him.

 

He kept his arms around Shawn and surveyed the room. He caught Victoria glaring at the two of them. She would get over it, and even if she didn’t, it didn’t really matter. She had no say over Carlton’s love life.

 

They mingled far too long for Carlton’s liking before he was finally able to drag Shawn out of there.

 

“What’s the rush, Lassie?”

 

“You know I don’t want to be here.”

 

“You seemed to be enjoying yourself well enough.”

 

“It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I’d rather be home with you though.”

 

Shawn smiled and gave him a squeeze. “Well why didn’t you say so? Let’s go!”

 

Carlton watched Shawn bounce off to the car, a smile on his face. Carlton’s own face was adorned with a smile. Carlton was a very lucky man.


End file.
